The Crys McDonald Show

Get Ready for Explosive Growth!

2009-06-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

So this spring, I bought a wisteria plant for my porch. The lady at Home Depot was telling me about it and one thing she said was to buy some pruning shears and to "get ready for some explosive growth!". Here's what it looked like when I bought it, about 3 months ago...

Here's what it looks like tonight as I write this!

Yes, that is a mere three months of growth! Believe it or not, I can actually look at the branches in the morning when I water them and look at it again when I get home from work and actually see that it has grown! Apparently these things can grow 10 feet in a year! It's pretty exciting. :)

And to tell you the truth, this little plant describes a lot in my life right now. I feel like there has been some "explosive growth" everywhere! God has been teaching me and stretching me in leaps and bounds...I feel "explosive" in my own personal walk, I feel this way in relationships, I feel this way in my work life, and I feel like God is moving explosively through the church and throughout the nations. Stuff is happening and I want to be a part of it!

Amy said it right last week when she said she feels like one of those little wind up toys that is all wound up and spinning it's wheels in the air and at any moment will be put on the ground and will just take off!! That's the perfect way to describe it. I'm all wound up and just waiting to be put on the ground to take off. It's a little scary because I'm don't know if I'm ready, or prepared, or good enough, or know enough...but then again I must because the Lord has put me here for a reason. And the truth is, there will be a season where I will need to be pruned back and it will probably hurt, but it will make the next season of growth even greater than the last!!

Lookout people...get ready for the explosion!

Today I will...

2009-06-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

Sleep in till 9am...check!
Have a great chat with my Lord over coffee...check!
Healthy breakfast...check!
Clean my house, go shoe shopping, pay a few bills, and general chillage on the couch with my cat.
Excellent Sunday afternoon!

Bloggy Break

2009-06-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

As usual this time of year, there has definitely been a post-Easter recovery phase happening in past few months...part of that includes sleeping in whenever possible, spring cleaning the disaster area that has become my apartment and my truck, catching up with friends, spring planting and porch decorating, and oh yeah, actually going outside and seeing that thing they call the sun!

Unfortunately it has not included blogging or anything else that requires more than a minimal amount of brain usage. But now I'm back and ready to tell you all about the amazing things God is doing in my life, and all the not-so-amazing dorky things I do on my own.
I don't know if anyone even reads this blog anymore but if you do stay tuned, cuz it's good to be back!

Today's the Day!

2009-04-05T07:57:00.001-07:00

Hard hat...check
Pink tool belt...check
Freakin awesome volunteers...check
God who provides it all...check!

It's here...the day I've been working towards since last October! I can't wait to see how awesome God makes this day and this week!! Don't you dare miss the Easter services :).

T-minus 3 days...

2009-04-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

Let me guess...we're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Yep.

Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Most likely.

Bring it on.

Is this REALLY a good idea...?

2009-03-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

Let me start this post by saying I totally support any christian values, or any trace of morality for that matter, in today's government and courthouses and Lord help us because of the state we are in...so don't take me too seriously on this one...but just some food for thought;

...is it really a good idea to make a graven image of the 10 Commandments? ;)

Productive Weekend!

2009-03-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty productive! I got everything done except filing taxes, cleaning the house, and buying that computer...I even made it to hometeam! Maybe I can knock the rest out Monday morning and have a fully crossed off list! Then the new to-do list for this week is 1) build build build and 2) do not stress!! If I don't get sick after Easter, it will be a whole year of health! Considering I was sick from exhaustion more weeks out of last year than I was well, that speaks volumes. And because of that...it's off to bed, big week ahead!

Today's/Tomorrow's To Do List

2009-03-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

1. Coffee and Quiet Time
2. Get truck inspected, washed, and filled up since it was unearthed from the parent's barn yesterday.
3. Grocery Shopping
4. Catch up with class...read Leviticus, type two classes worth of notes, read commentary and handouts, catch up on journaling
5. Clean house and put away laundry (that was washed last week)
6. File taxes (that were finished but not filed last week)
7. Weekly budget/checkbook balancing
8. Buy new computer (that we've been researching/deciding on for a month)
9. Finalize talk and devotional for FC Creative Nights

So far, I've got #1-3 finished, with a brief chicken-noodle-soup break before tackling #4. However I notice an interesting pattern..God, truck, food, God, cleanliness, money, spend money, God.

Ok so maybe the truck comes before food...don't judge, at least the bookends are right. :)

Which bible character are you?

2009-03-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

You are King David.
People like you and follow your leadership. You love deeply even though relationships can cause you great pain. You’re sensitive and just want to get along with everyone.

Hmmm...is it weird that according to this quiz, I'm a man?

Which mighty woman of the bible are you?

2009-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

You are most like DEBORAH
You aren't afraid to speak your mind. You know what you want, and go for it. You are motivated, and you revel in personal victories. You are wise in many ways, and you know well, and trust the God you serve. You are courageous, and can look fear in the face. You are a victor.

Think it's true?

15 Things I Say to Myself:

2009-03-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

(In no particular order)

1. I can't. God can.
2. (insert opinion here)...but I'm willing to be wrong about that.
3. Don't. check. your. email.
4. Lead. Love.
5. Be yourself.
6. I need coffee.
7. I am completely talentless. But for some reason God shares his ideas with me.
8. Don't be so quiet.
9. Keep going.
10. ...really?
11. My back hurts.
12. I am not getting sick, I am not getting sick.
13. That's ridiculous.
14. Think of more questions/What are you missing.
15. In case you didn't know, I am pretty amazing.

And for those of you who are about to comment, "standby please", "negative" and "10-4" were on this list but I don't really say that to myself as much as to the rest of you... :).

Momentary Silence Over With...

2009-03-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, I lied...momentary silence over. I just finished watching the finale of "The Bachelor" and I'm disgusted by this guy. I can't NOT comment!
If you missed it, the bachelor proposed to Melissa, and in the 6 ensuing weeks since it happened in real life and since it aired on national tv, he's changed his mind and wants to pick the other girl, Molly. To back up even further, this guy has been previously divorced and was also rejected on The Bachelorette last season, making women everywhere feel bad for his little puppy dog heart.

In the 6 weeks since he proposed, he admitted talking a lot to Melissa...6 weeks he could have been a man and given her the respect of breaking up with her at home. Instead, he brought her on national tv to do it. She obviously didn't see it coming, because you could see the moment when she realized what he was about to say.

Here were some of his comments...
"I can't control what I'm feeling" and "on that day, i loved you"
I'm sorry, "on that day?" What if men everywhere tell their girlfriends when they get engaged that he loves her, but just for that day?

She responds with, "you put a ring on my finger, you told me you loved me, you told me you wanted to give me everything, but you don't want to fight for me" Amen sista. She was so right on...no wonder this guy is divorced, he turns and runs as soon as it gets a little hard because it's all about him and what he feels and nobody else. Her final words, "Don't call me, don't text me, leave me alone please". Good for her, dangitt! So many women don't have the guts to put guys in their place when they deserve it (key words: when they deserve it...there are plenty of women who put guys in their place when they don't deserve it...but that's another post for another day...) So of course he tries to give this puppy dog look as she leaves and I'm sure he genuinely feels bad, but I have no sympathy. Maybe that worked in the previous season, but no more jerkoid. He knows dang well he's in the wrong, that's why he feels bad about it.

But then I had to yell at the tv again because while she is so right, in the limo driving home she questions what she did wrong to make the relationship sour. Why do we do this?? She had the exact right attitude and even kept her grace under fire, and still can't help but question what is wrong with her. Argh...we just can't help ourselves, can we ladies.

She commented, "I can't be mad for Jason not being in love with me"...ok fair enough. But you can be mad at him for making a lifelong committment to you and then backing out after a mere 6 weeks of real life. I do suppose the upside is she didn't find out AFTER walking down the aisle.

After she left he tells the host, "I never lied to her"...maybe the truth, I don't doubt you cared for her... but not the point, igmo. I hope you don't put your kid through more divorces in his life because you're looking for a marriage that doesn't require work and makes you feel happy all the time.

What's even better, 5 minutes later he professes his love to Molly, who while confused and non-committal, is obviously happy about the situation. I hope she watches this episode tonight and sees what happened 5 minutes before her entrance and sees the truth of who this guy is. But what does he say to her? This cracked me up; "When I think about living in the moment, it's with you" In the moment? He's wanting a marriage yet cannot even commit till the end of the show. "You have to follow your heart, even though it's impacting other people. You can't control what you feel".
That's right, just do whatever you want, regardless of the impact of other people. You know what, I feel like punching you in the face right now, that will make me feel good, even though it will impact you (literally!)...I bet he'd have a slightly different opinion if somebody said that to him right now...

His last words to Molly before the end of the show, "As I sit here I can say I fell in love with you, I am falling in love with you still, and I will always be in love you with"...to that I say...bullcrap.

Momentary Pause...

2009-03-02T18:33:00.000-08:00

Between the awesomeness of C3, the post-C3 "holy hangover", and getting ready to start building for Easter, all my energy has been used up, and any writing inspiration that might be left has been applied to school papers! But no worries, I will begin posting again shortly, I already have a couple ideas in the can! This is but a momentary pause...intermission if you will...the Crys McDonald Show will resume again shortly!

Are you ready to live?

2009-02-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

I was reading in John 13: 31-38 this morning where Jesus predicts Peter’s denial just after washing the disciples’ feet. Verse 37 is Peter’s response, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you”. I found it interesting because Peter was ready to die for Jesus, but he wasn’t ready to live for him. What I mean is just a few chapters later we see him again, ready to die and willing to fight a group of soldiers single-handedly in the garden to defend Jesus, but he was not willing to wash the feet of his brothers as Jesus had done just a few minutes earlier.

As the rag-tag soldiers for Christ that we are, we are ready to fight and go into battle together, but often we can be reluctant to love and serve each other. And it’s this same passage that Jesus gives the command to no longer just love your neighbor as yourself, but love as HE has loved us. We are so willing and ready for the battle...in fact sometimes we are so full of readiness that we end up fighting with each other! But what we are not ready for is to love each other as Christ loved us, and this is where Satan knows he can divide us.

We are ready to fight the battle, we are willing to die to ourselves for Jesus. But are we ready to live for him? Are we ready to love each other in the midst of the battle?

How you know you're working like a crazy person...

2009-02-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

You know how every time you open up a word document, it keeps count of how many you've opened and labels it something like "document4" until you save it and name it something else?
I just opened up word document #294...so I decided it was time for a lunch break.

I'm Over It

2009-02-08T21:54:00.003-08:00

Just about every Valentines Day, you can count on me having something to say about it on this blog. Sometimes it's a girl-power, singles-can-have-just-as-much-fun-as-couples-today post, sometimes its a today-is-stupid-and-overrated post (See V-day 2007, one of my favorites!). Today, it's neither. I'm neutral. I'm Switzerland. This Saturday is just another day and to be honest, I'm not planning on doing anything different than I would normally do on a Saturday. Basically, I'm over Valentines Day.

So what if I am single on Feb 14th...what makes that different than any other day of the year? And yet somehow come every February 14th, there's that little girly part of me that thinks "maybe this year is different...maybe this year that secret admirer I didn't know existed will leave secret notes on my car and show up with a handful of flowers to take me out and sweep me off my feet..." and every year (shockingly enough) that doesn't happen, and there's just a little part of me that is disappointed.

But why? I don't have these thoughts on any other day of the year? What is so special about Feb 14th? So this year...nothing. Nothing is special about Feb 14th, it's just another day. Call me bitter or jaded or cynical if you want, but I have no need to fill a regular day with a pint of ice cream and a cheesy chick flick just because I'm single, so why Valentines Day? I do still think it's sweet for a couple to celebrate it, and I know this post would be different if I were in a relationship. But for me, this year, it's just another regular day.

I'm over it.

We never remember the compliments

2009-02-03T20:10:00.001-08:00

For some reason, the things people say that hurt us seem to ring in our ears for years and years, and there's always just a little bit of sting left to them no matter how much time has passed. I remember so many things people have said that have hurt me, that I have taken to heart and believed as truth. I could list them off right now except I don't want to see them in writing where they will live forever. But for some reason, we never remember the compliments. And for that matter, we rarely even try to remember the compliments, while the hurtful comments seem to just magically appear in our brains.
Tonight I tried to remember special compliments I've received, and the truth is I had a hard time. Somehow it's just so much easier to believe the lies...maybe it's because I'm a woman and we're just better at it, or maybe it's human nature, or maybe the environments we typically surround ourselves in really are more negative than encouraging. Whatever it is, we could all do a better job of building each other up. Everyone needs to hear the real truth about themselves because most of the time, we won't look in the mirror and see it ourselves.

So I tried to remember some of the compliments that have always stuck out to me...not to toot my own horn by any means, but so the truth could be in writing and overcome the lies Satan uses to keep me discouraged and ineffective! So here's a couple:

*Once in college, a girl was explaining my uniqueness to me: "You are so awesome because you are 'one of the guys'; you are independent and tough and know things like how to use a jigsaw, and you could probably kick the butts of most of them here. But you are also so...so feminine, and...soft. Those two don't usually mix".

*From Ross: "Besides my mom, I've never met anyone who God spoke to so openly and clearly, and someone who obeyed him so instantly and completely." (that compliment is two-fold if you know Ross's high opinion of his mom!)

*From Amy: "If you were an inanimate object, you would be a pink hard hat. You ARE a pink hard hat!"

Today's Headlines

2009-01-25T11:35:00.000-08:00

Today's headlines from msn.com...
"Timothy Geithner's well-greased path to confirmation as treasury secretary is a sign of the severity of the recession and congressional willingness to give President Barack Obama the benefit of the doubt and look the other way..."In more quiescent times, he would have been thrown over the side," said Ross Baker...he suggested Geithner's nomination was helped by the deepening financial crisis, initial good will toward Obama and Geithner's reputation as a financial wizard...Baker cites historical precedent from the American Civil War in the 1860s: "Abraham Lincoln was willing to overlook Ulysses S. Grant's excessive drinking because he was a brilliant war commander.""
-Ok, I can understand the Abe Lincoln argument. But Grant was not trying to reign in all the alcohol in the free world. Geithner is the Treasury Secretary, and yet did not pay all his taxes in 2001 and supposedly made the same "innocent" error the next three years in a row. Financial wizard my foot. Either he really is a financial wizard because he almost got away with it and now he's full of crap with this "innocent mistake" business, or he's some schmo who can't even handle his own taxes and now he's supposed to handle the entire country's. Either way, it ain't good folks.
I also like the part about let's give Obama the benefit of the doubt and look the other way...good way to start things off.

With the clock ticking toward the Feb. 17 deadline for TV broadcasters to shut off their analog signals and go entirely digital, analysts say more than 6.5 million households are not ready. Now Congress appears poised to postpone the transition to June — but a delay could bring its own problems. To avoid blacking out TV sets in unprepared homes next month, the Obama administration is seeking the delay to give the government more time to fix a subsidy program that has run out of money for coupons that help consumers pay for digital converter boxes for older TVs. Senate Democrats late Thursday reached a deal with skeptical Republicans on a bill to push the digital transition to June 12 — setting the stage for a vote early next week. The House is likely to move quickly after the Senate acts.
-Really? This is why the economy sucks, because you people are sitting around worried about your stinking tv! If people haven't gotten a new tv by now, it's not your problem to solve it...what's the worst that will happen? Their tv shuts down and that weekend they buy a new one. Is is a government issue for us to miss one week of tv? Pull the cheetos out of your belly button and vote on something that matters.

The Los Angeles County Economic Development Corporation estimates that in an average year the adult entertainment industry — which is headquartered primarily in Southern California — registers total sales of $12.6 billion. Recently Larry Flyny and Joe Francis requested a $5 billion bailout from Congress...Paul Fishbein, chairman of AVN, is entering his 27th year in the business, “and this is the first time I can honestly say the adult business is not recession-proof. Everybody I’m talking to says the business is down anywhere from 20 to 30 percent,” he explained. “That’s in line with the rest of the economy. ...While the recession has something to do with it, Fishbein said, the availability of cheaply made adult fare online is cutting into the cash flow for traditional outlets and establishments. “There’s enough free porn on the Internet that, if you don’t care about quality, you can get what you want,” Fishbein said...What Francis is more upset about than the current economy is the frequent pirating that occurs with his product. “We’re facing what the music business faced a few years ago,” he said. “These sites are stealing our content. We want copyright laws enforced.”
-Excuse me while I say...boo freakin' hoo.

2009-01-21T19:52:00.000-08:00

Today I'm reading in Genesis 24...I won't write out the entire passage, but the gist is that Abraham's servant is sent out to find a wife for his son Isaac. The servant prays specifically for God to point out the right woman, and "before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder" (24:15). He asked her for a drink, and she quickly obliged, going even a measure more to give water to his camels. This was the exact sign that he had asked for moments ago, and knew he found his woman.

As I read this story, I have to admire Rebekah. She was blessed simply by doing the ordinary...the routine...by just being her everyday self. She was an answered prayer...in a way she realized because she met his need for water, but also in ways she didn't realize because she had no idea her very presence was tangible evidence of God's provision to him! What an honor to be such a clear, specific prayer to someone...she really must have been special! I wonder how many times she had gone down to that well before, lifting heavy jars of water and walking all the way back up, day after day. How tired she must have been. I wonder if she sighed as she picked up her jar and started heading to the well. But she embodies Proverbs 31:17, "she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks". She was strong, beautiful, and pure...an excellent reflection of the Lord she served.

Furthermore, when she was approached by a strange man asking for a favor as it was getting dark, she quickly jumped at the chance to serve...Prov 31:20 "she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy". What happens if a strange man approaches me on the side of the road at night when I am alone? Well I am far from open, I'll tell you that much! But she gave him what she had and was open and vulnerable to him, and as a result was rewarded. She even went a measure more to water his camels...and you know camels don't drink a little water! She seriously got her workout that day.

But she was just being herself. She was a specific, answered prayer in more ways than one, and because she allowed herself to live in that place she was greatly rewarded.

Lord help me to live more like Rebekah...help me to carry out my ordinary, routine days with the grace, beauty, and servant heart that she did. Not so I may be rewarded, but so I may be available to become someone's specific answered prayer today.

My Quiet Time Today

2009-01-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

Was in Genesis 2:18-23...
"The Lord God said, "it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man."

Lord, I think it's interesting how you could have just said "I will make a helper". But instead, you were very specific in wanting to find a helper suitable for him. Lord I love that you cared for him so much to want to find just the perfect helper for him. And then the quest that must have ensued! Each and every bird of the air and beast of the field you brought to Adam for his approval? Although I notice you didn't say "I will find a helper, you said "I will make"...so I suppose you already knew that none of these would compare to the creation you and Adam had in mind. I also love how you made everything from the ground...not just Adam, but also all the beasts and birds...except Eve, she was different!

I wonder how long it must have taken to show him all your animals. I wonder how lonely he was, and how his heart must have sank a little deeper as he got closer and closer to the end of the line, as he saw his options dwindle and none were right. I wonder just how deep his loneliness was as you had him drift off to sleep. I wonder how proud you were to make this "secret present" for him while he slept, and how excited you were to bring her to him! And I love how instantly Adam recognizes her, not only as "the one" but as part of himself, made from him and for him. How much you must have loved him to go to so much trouble and care.

I wonder Lord...you loved him so much, do you also love me?

God's Will Revealed!

2009-01-09T15:13:00.000-08:00

Going off my last post and the unending quest for the answer of "what is God's will for my life?". Well, turns out the answer is actually not that hard to find, it's actually written quite clear if I know where to look. One of my new favorite verses is John 6:40;

"FOR MY FATHER'S WILL IS..." (if that doesn't get your attention, nothing will!) "...that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

Not enough for you? Eph 2:9 says "And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to the his good pleasure...". Not only is it not hidden, but it makes the God of the universe happy that it's shared with us. And Paul continues to talk about it in chapter three verses 3-6, and emphasizes how we have insight and understanding to the mystery of Christ, "this mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus."

One more? Romans 16:25-26 "Now to him who is able to establish you by my gospel and the proclamation of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past, but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings by the command of the eternal God, so that all nations might believe and obey him."

I just think it's amazing that God does not hide himself from us, but reveals himself to us so we can understand him. And it brings him joy to do so! How often do we search everywhere for answers that he's already made quite clear? How often we sit and beg for his wisdom, his love, and his guidance when he has taken thousands of years to painstakingly write it all down to make sure we know that very thing!

What if we got what we asked for?

2009-01-01T14:34:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest questions that seem to continually pop up throughout my life and most other Christ followers I know is the question of "What is God's will for my life?"
As I was reading through Genesis 6:9-7:1 today, I came across an interesting sentence in which God is giving instructions to Noah to build the ark, and then says the following in v. 17;

"I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish."

Noah's response in v. 18 goes like this;
"Wow. Um...excuse me God, let's back up a second. Did you just explain your plan to me...and did I hear your right? Because I gotta admit, that scares the crap out of me..."

Ok v. 18 I made up :). But seriously, what on earth could have gone through Noah's head at hearing this? I'm sure a lot of gratitude, thankfullness, and humility as he understands that his own family will be saved. But what about the fear, anxiety, worry? I mean, God just flat out told him his plans and they weren't exactly comforting. Noah was about to face the biggest challenge of his entire life, and he gets to hear just about every detail in advance...except why. And except what would happen afterwards. And except where they would go or what they would do when it was all over.

What if God really did answer us they way we want him to when we ask what His plan for our life is? What if he laid it all out, told us about all the trials and challenges we would face? What if we knew in 5 years we would be diagnosed with cancer? What if we knew the man we were about to marry would die tragically young in a car accident? What if we knew our second child would be born with a life-changing disease? What if we knew the job we took today would lead to an extramarital affair by next year?
Would knowing those things really give us peace?

I think we don't really want to know God's plan for our life is. No question about it, the ark was a miracle, with a happy ending, and fulfilled the grand purposes of God... and if we let him, God can perform miracles just as great in our own lives. But if we knew them in advance, if we truly got the answer we wanted to our prayers, I think we would be so shocked and stunned at the scale of the miracle he has in store for us that we would never be able to fulfill them...instead we would be paralyzed in fear, anxiety, and worry just thinking about it! It's not our fault, our own humanness can't stand the glory of God...we would crumble at the mere thought of what God would have us do. So instead, we don't get to know...we trust, we obey, we get to see just one small step at a time because God knows that's the real answer to our prayer.

I wonder what he's getting ready to do in 2009!

Holiday Break

2008-12-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed, I'm taking a little holiday break from the blog! I will start posting again as soon as Christmas is over. In the meantime, come check out the Christmas services at Fellowship Church starting this weekend!! Services start Saturday night and go through Sunday morning, and again on Tuesday and Wednesday...go to www.fellowshipchurch.com to get the times and directions. You know you gotta go at least twice a year for Christmas and Easter, and if you're gonna go somewhere, FC is the place to be! And if church ain't your style, well chances are if you are reading this blog it's because your a friend of mine so at the very least come and see the new set I built!! You're still allowed to come even if you aren't into the message of it so come see me!! :)

So to everyone I wish a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and I will see you in 2009!! (Which I am SO ready for, by the way!)
Merry Christmas!

I Caved.

2008-11-23T08:40:00.001-08:00

Let me start this post by saying I love Christmas. I love everything about it, including Christmas music. But, I also LOVE fall! And while Christmas is my favorite holiday, fall is definitely my favorite season. So because of that, I am morally opposed to Christmas celebrations before Thanksgiving. Fall in Texas is short enough, do we really have to make it that much shorter? I mean if you start celebrating Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving, that gives you a good solid MONTH of celebration, what more could you want? I am generally tolerant of some Christmas preparation before Thanksgiving, however I have one major peeve...when radio stations begin playing NONSTOP Christmas music weeks before Thanksgiving even begins!! And it's not even that Christmas music bothers me before turkey day, but nonstop? For weeks upon weeks? Really? Don't miss fall!! Don't miss Thanksgiving!!
That is my typical rant.
Until this weekend.

This weekend, as I am out running errands, I realize the radio has NOTHING good to play. Every station has about 4 songs they've played over and over and I can't take it anymore. So I flip thru other stations looking for something that doesn't suck. And I find 103.7 klty...playing...you guessed it...nonstop Christmas music. And I cave. I listen to the Christmas music. And I love it. It's cold outside, the holidays are coming, and I should jingle some bells! I didn't listen to it all freaking day mind you, but I listened, and I enjoyed it!
And now I'm ready for some turkey.

Follow the Bouncing Blog

2008-11-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

I know a lot of people read this blog, so I added a new link during the overhaul...on the right side of this page is a box that says "Follow this Blog". I would love it if you clicked there and added yourself as a reader and started the list!

Thoughts on J. the B., Part 2

2008-11-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

John 3:22-36

John's response to his disciples was not in anger. In fact, you can hear the joy in his voice as he tries to explain and share the cause of his joy with them!
1) v. 27-He acknowledges his current position is a blessing from God.
2) v. 28-He reminds them of his, and also their, humble state...as in "do you think we are the only people who can do this job?"
3) v. 28,29-He states Who he is (not the Christ, but his friend)
He states who he belongs to (bridegroom)
He states his purpose (attend the bridegroom, wait and listen for him)
He describes what it reaps (joy!)

John's joy is complete by seeing Christ baptize! (v.29) Such a different attitude than his disciples, though both were doing the same thing in the same place at the same time. John's attitude was that Christ must become greater, and John must become less (v.30). His disciples' were the exact opposite.
But John doesn't stop there, he continues on with his message of salvation, hoping they will get it! Instead of getting angry, he took the time to teach, vision cast, and share the gospel.

Way to make the most of an opportunity.

Thoughts on J. the B.

2008-11-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

John 3:22-26

In this passage we find John the Baptist and his disciples...well, baptizing. Jesus and his disciples join them, "because there was plenty of water, and people were constantly coming to be baptized" (v.23).
Then, "an argument developed between some of John's disciples...over the matter of ceremonial washing" (v.25). Translation, they started fighting over something so insignificant that the details are not even worth mentioning. Then, John's disciples see Jesus baptizing and complain to John that "everyone is going to him" (v. 26)

There are a lot of things wrong with this picture!
First problem: The people were constantly coming to be baptized...that's awesome! But here are John's disciples, the very people who were supposed to be performing the baptisms, and instead they are arguing about some religious rule? How sad that they were totally missing out on the life change right in front of them because they were so concerned about being right.
Second problem: They become jealous and prideful that everyone is going to get baptized by Jesus. Let's think about this...if I wanted to be baptized and I saw one group arguing with each other, and another group inviting and welcoming, well which one would I be more attracted to? No brainer.
Third problem: They totally fail to recognize the greatness of Jesus...the very people who were closest to John the Baptist and constantly hearing him talk about his mission to prepare the way for the one who is greater...and now here it is and they miss it.

They are too focused on themselves, concerned with who has the "right" way and the better baptism, and they are completely missing the point of why they are there. And as a result, they turn people away, people who have shown up and are ready for a life change.

*Where is your attitude turning people away?
*Where are you missing the point of why you are here?
Maybe the check out clerk at the grocery store, or the waiter at the restaurant?
Maybe the person you cut off on your way to work this morning who got a great view of your Jesus bumper sticker?
Maybe on the weekend in the way you talk to your volunteers?
Maybe on the weekend when there are lost people all around you who you don't say hi to, or even smile at because you are so focused on what you are "getting out of it" or your task at hand?

The First Miracle, Part 2

2008-11-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

John 2:1-11, Jesus Changes Water Into Wine

What I find interesting about Mary's request, is that she didn't even ask him specifically to do something, she simply presented him with her problem "They have no more wine" (v. 3). She could have asked him to answer in the specific way she wanted him to fix it..."can you go out and get some more?" or "can you perform a miracle to fix this?" or "can you tell everyone to leave before they find out?". But all she did was come to him with the problem and allowed him to answer in the way he saw fit.

Then, she told the servants "do whatever he tells you" (v.5). In saying this, she is not only still leaving the answer up to him, but she is also trusting because he never said to her "yes, this is what I'm about to do...!". Also, she is offering to him the means she has so he may act. Not that he needed the provision, but she offered what she had to him to do with as he saw fit.

So in these three short verses, she does the following:
1) She had the freedom to approach and ask (Eph. 3:12)
2) She trusted and had a submissive enough heart to leave not only the answer up to him, but also the way in which to answer, even if the answer was "no" or "not yet" (Prov. 3:5)
3) She offered up all she had for him to use as he pleased (Luke 9:24)

The First Miracle

2008-11-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

John 2:1-11, Jesus Changes Water into Wine
After reading this passage, I found myself asking some things about Mary. Why did she tell Jesus that they had run out of wine...how did she know he could do something about it? Because according to verse 11, his glory had not yet been revealed.

I wonder if there is significance to the fact that it was she who prompted the beginning of his ministry? This is the first time we see Mary since Jesus got lost as a little boy and was found in the temple (Luke Ch 2). But it's been said of her numerous times that she had been "storing things up in her heart" ever since his birth.

Did she really know what she was beginning for him? And if she did know of all he was capable of, why ask for such a seemingly insignificant task? Perhaps God was using her to encourage Jesus, because even though he was fully God, he was also fully human and maybe knowing what was ahead of him, he needed the support of a woman and mom to begin. And maybe the task was small because his humanness needed to start with something small at first...he who is responsible with a little may be trusted with a lot, that sort of thing.

I think that's very interesting, because as God, he could have jumped right in and done all kinds of huge miraculous things in front of the entire world and we would have believed right then and there. But instead, he took on our flesh and just as he was born in a humble manger not fit for a king, he continued on in his humble state, slowly but surely revealing his glory to us, one small audience at a time. His first miracle was not walking on water or raising people from the dead, but a small act of kindness to save a newlywed couple from embarrassment, revealed only to Mary and the servants.

And he used the support and encouragement from his loved ones in order to step out on the limb God called him to walk on!

Blog Overhaul

2008-11-08T15:03:00.000-08:00

So I tried to revive the blog this summer, and as it turned out, well my life just wasn't that interesting anymore. The Unlikely Adventures of Crys had been replaced by The Occasional Unlikely Event that Crys is Doing Anything but Working or Sleeping, and that just doesn't make for a very interesting blog! And that also wasn't the kind of life God wanted me to lead. So the last few months have been a bit of a 'life overhaul' if you will, a pursuit of the kind of life God wants for me, the kind of life worth giving his own for.
So now, the blog is getting an overhaul as well. I'm not quite sure what new form and direction it's going to take but the Crys McDonald Show is once again onstage and playing 5 nights a week, so I hope you come back as I give the blog one more try!

One More Time...

2008-07-23T10:50:00.001-07:00

So even though building myself a little window bench cheered me up temporarily, I was still disappointed about my poor drowned flowers. Obviously the orange impatien was long gone, and the white one was quickly on it's way out. So in effort to save my bright and joyful flowering balcony vision, I bought a clay pot for a whole dollar and decorated it and moved the little white flower to the pot so it could grow up on it's own. I guess it just didn't like sharing a box with other flowers cuz it's now happy and starting to bloom again!

Then I bought a second impatien to replace the dead orange one and the transplanted white one...the new one is light pink and I now have a whole box of pink flowers. (Yes, Crys McDonald, 2 pink tshirts and now pink flowers. Who is this person?).

Then I had a big black pot from my brother's wedding and I still needed to fill the orange impatien void, so I bought an orange hibiscus bush that I LOVE! It blooms every morning in about an hour and the blooms last only a day and then they wilt when the sun goes down, you can almost watch it happen! It's the craziest thing.

So finally, I have the fabulous peaceful colorful balcony that I wanted! I have my quiet times on the balcony with my cup of coffee and watch the sunrise and it's the best part of my day.

Disclaimer: It should also be noted that when I first started this project, I was all set and ready to head to home depot that weekend when I had this big car expense pop up that I hadn't planned on and had to spend the money on that instead. I was so bummed that I wouldn't be able to buy all my flower supplies, but then Preston drove me to home depot that night and bought all the stuff for me to get started! Not only was I super excited about them, but I also had a super sweet boyfriend on top of everything else. You just can't beat that! Thanks again babe :)

Not so green thumb, part 2...

2008-07-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

So after a few months of loving watering care, here is what my plants look like 2 months later...

As you can see, the beautiful orange impatien which happened to be my favorite, I have quite definitely killed...in fact drowned. And the white one next to it wasn't doing so well either. :(
However, what you can't see is that the hardy herbs that are almost impossible to kill off (or so I'm told from the crazy Home Depot lady who was giving us advice) are still alive and kicking, and the ones in the pot I grew from seeds are doing well too! So hopefully my thumb isn't totally purple and black. But I was definitely bummed about the ones I killed off, so to cheer myself up, I decided to build something... :)

Thank goodness you can't kill 2x4s.

Not so green thumb...

2008-07-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

So earlier this year I decided to test out my gardening abilities and fill up my little apartment balcony with festive spring flowers and herbs. Me and Preston spent about 3 hours at Home Depot trying to decide what kind of flowers are good in the sun, shade, north side, south side, this time of year, and this part of the country. Then we had to decide what kind of apparatus to put them in...big boxes, small boxes, clay pots, ceramic pots, pre-seeded ceramic pots, and the list goes on. We were also told what kind of soil to buy and that we needed little rocks and moss at the bottom of the flower boxes so the soil wouldn't run out the holes when I watered them. So finally, after much flower-knowledge had been gained, we excitedly left (ok, maybe I was more excited than Preston!) with our little flower treasures ready to be planted and bring color and happiness to my balcony. When we were all done, we ended up with a box filled with herbs of cilantro, basil, and oregano, and a box filled with impatiens...pink, orange, and white. I also got a ceramic pot to plant basil and cilantro from seeds. They were lovingly and carefully planted and watered, and here's what they looked like when it was all said and done...

The next post will have the pictures of what they look like NOW...

Seriously...?

2008-07-01T20:50:00.001-07:00

So I was in Hobby Lobby last week for my weekly scrapbooking slash woodworking slash arts and crafts slash general do-something-with-my-hands project (I keep Hobby Lobby in business, by the way) and I discovered they have unveiled multiple aisles of Christmas decorations since my visit the week before.

Christmas decorations.
In mid-June.
It's 100 degrees outside.

Does this seem preposterous to anybody else?!

Ok, I Admit It...

2008-06-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've always known it, but I realized this week that I have to admit it. I realized it when I noticed how much I liked my co-worker's bag...it was brown with pink polka dots and a pink bow...but I hate pink. A lot. My whole life, I've hated pink. I hate the color and I hate the girly fru-fru-ness it represents. But dangitt, her bag was cute! Then, I went shopping, and wouldn't you know it but I bought a pink shirt. And I love it. I willingly handed over hard-earned money for a PINK shirt. And you know what? It's the second time I've done that! Yes I own not one, but TWO PINK SHIRTS. And I love them both.
That's when I realized I had to admit it...

I am a girl.

Perhaps you may have already noticed this, most people do. But my whole life has been lived among men. I have always worked in a male-dominated field, and my best friends have always been guys. I had a construction gig in college where they called me the "Queen Bee" because I was both the boss and the only girl. So I've always been "one of the guys" and as such, I have shunned all girlyness. For example, I have routinely taken armloads of groceries into the house (while flexing my rippling biceps, mind you...ok maybe not...) when really I've wished someone was there to just take the 24 pack of bottled water inside for me. And I have victoriously killed any insect trespassing in my home when really all I want to do is trap it under a cup until someone else can get it.
But the truth is, while I will probably always be the lone woman among men, and the answer to Sesame Street's "one of these things is not like the other...", that's just who I am! And while I have never indulged in the "girly" side of me, I'm learning I don't have to just be the chick who knows stuff about tools and isn't afraid of bugs. God is starting to show me how I can be both...pink shirt, skill saw, and all.

I will never, however, watch Gilmore Girls. There is a limit.

Enjoying Life

2008-06-11T19:57:00.001-07:00

One of the things I have been focusing on lately is enjoying life. I am a planner, so I have the tendency to always be looking ahead at what's coming up. Often that is a great skill, but it also tends to get a little overwhelming because I end up looking at too much at once, and become unable to enjoy the NOW because I'm too busy worrying about what is coming up tomorrow or next week or next month. So I spent a lot of time in Ecclesiastes reading about "enjoying life" because of this.

And of course, when you pray about something, funny how God tends to put it in front of you immediately! Well, my first real application of "enjoying life" was when I found myself driving all the way up to Plano (step number one out of my comfort box!) to hang out with a girlfriend's hometeam. Now typically, in a group of strangers, I tend to stay on the sidelines where it's more comfortable. But instead, I found myself striking up conversations with people and telling jokes, with a surprising lack of discomfort. Then as the night went on, they pulled IT out...this video game I'd never heard of before called...Rock Band. Now most people already know what this is because they don't live in the stone age like me, nor do they own solely the original Ninetendo 64 and nothing since then. But in case you don't know, Rock Band is basically a glorified karaoke machine...you can sing along, but you can also play a fake guitar or fake drumset along with the song.
Now normally, in a room full of strangers, I would never do something with so much potential for failure and embarrassment. But to tell the truth...I kinda wanted to play the drums! So when the guy playing finished the song and said "who's next", I heard a strangely familiar voice saying "I want to play!" And with utter shock and a slight amount of fear at the room's full attention suddenly aimed at me, I realized...that was my voice!!
So yes, I played the drums, and yes, I was a total rock star. I busted out 3 songs and didn't even care if I looked silly because dangitt I was having fun. But more importantly, for the first time in months, I felt like ME. I wasn't striving or struggling, pushing or pulling, worrying about what other people think, just being me, and dangitt, I love me! So here's me, being a total rock star...

My Life in Nine Months

2008-06-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

My last post was October 2007, about the time my life started to get just a little too busy for the average gal. But quite a bit happened during those months so for the avid reader of the Crys McDonald Show, here's the skinny to bring you up to speed!

October 2007:
*Just finished installing FC's first ever volunteer-built set and it was totally awesome! Thus began my life as a set designer and my work as production manager at Alliance was finished...insert bittersweet sniffle mixed with sigh of relief here.
*Creepy guy looked into the windows of my apartment...insert justified freak out here.

November 2007:
*Moved in with parents temporarily due to creepy window guy
*4-year spiritual anniversary fell exactly on Thanksgiving
*Began building the Christmas set!

December 2007:
*Christmas
*Christmas
*More Christmas :)

January 2008:
*First road trip with Preston, and we are still together after that! We drove to Florida to see my family and then made it back home just in time to dress up and ring in the New Year after 10 straight hours in the car!
*Broke down the Christmas set and went back to the first one in order to show off at upcoming C3 Conference

February 2008:
*Moved into fabulous new apartment, sans peeping toms
*Amazing C3 Conference, the very next week!

March 2008:
*Easter came early this year...pretty much running on fumes by this point

April 2008:
*Oh yeah...I was also still going to seminary. Decided it was impossible to keep up this kind of schedule, and we'll have to put school on pause and come back a few years from now. Sniff.
*Bought myself a new, non-gas guzzling car...although still hanging on to the truck because I just can't bear to part!

May 2008:
*My brother Jimmy got married to the love of his life, Cat! I got to be in the wedding and also throw a fabulous bachelorette shower!
*Officially met Preston one year ago, and we've been dating about 10 months now
*Yet a third set for the Fellowship Stage designed and executed, all glory to Him and Him alone!
*One of the girls moved away to get married...another one bites the dust

June 2008:
*Time to BREATHE. And apparently, blog.

There you have it, you are officially caught up.

The Blog is Back!

2008-06-11T19:03:00.001-07:00

Yes, to the excitement of Laura Strickland and the chagrin of Jeph Kryzak, the Crys McDonald Show has returned! I'm catching up on the more important things in life, and as it turns out, blogging is one of them. I'll be posting the abridged version of my life over the last nine months so you are sure not to miss a thing, and then of course it's back to regaling you with the unlikely adventures of Crys, sure to be full of insect wars and general dorkiness. Occasional profound spiritual wisdom sprinkled in.

So...be sure to check back and leave you comments of sarcasm (Jeph) or support (everyone else!)!

Awkward Silence

2007-10-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

The blog will be taking a break for a little while, feel free to email me and I'll tell you why.

I Need 2 Change!

2007-10-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

So we are in the middle of a sermon series right now called ineed2change.com. It's an awesome series so far and yes, it's the reason for the blog's continued silence despite repeated attempts at revitalization! But the truth is, that I too, need to change!
My number one thing I need to change is that I work WAAAY too much. My identity is beginning to become synonymous with work...that is not good! I don't have time for anything else other than mere survival. And with Christmas coming around the corner, it's time to change my priorities, and fast!
I also need to believe in miracles. I believe in my head that miracles are possible, but my heart has a hard time with it. I don't doubt God's power to do it, just for some reason doubt that he would actually invade my personal space to do it! Right now, there is no room at the inn of my heart for the birth of something unexpected and miraculous to happen...so I better start posting some eviction notices!
And I need relationships. And so do my friends who I never hang out with so me, Kara, Jami, and Ross have made a 40 day commitment to intentional relationships! That means we are going to find a hometeam to get plugged into and hang out at least once a week doing something fun for the next 40 days! And anyone else is allowed to join us so come join the fun!
Finally, I need to believe in the strength of my prayer life. Lately I've been praying because I'm supposed to, but have been neglecting the fact that they have some serious power!

Everyone should check out ineed2change.com and if you haven't been to a service at Fellowship Church during this series yet, get there THIS WEEKEND!!!

Sooo...what do you need to change?? :)

Squeaky Clean

2007-08-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

So last night I'm doing my laundry. Which by the way doing the laundry in the comfort of my own home is a fabulous luxury I can now enjoy since I bought my first washer and dryer last Christmas!

I run 4 loads of wash with the same normal, regular, everyday detergent. Two loads on normal; one colors and one whites. Then two loads on delicate; one colors and one whites. Then for my last load, I need to wash the smelly, sawdust-covered sneakers that I not only work out in but also wear when working in our un-airconditioned scene shop...in August...in Texas...for the past 2 weeks...so needless to say, even the strongest stomach might keel over about now. So I put the sneakers in the washer. I put the exact same detergent into the washer as I used for the last four loads. I decide to try the "catalyst" setting, which is the heavily advertised feature of this particular washer. I believe it's labeled on the knob "heavy duty, wash-the-words-off-your-t-shirt, cleaner-than-your-mama-could-get it" setting, which I feel is appropriate for these particular sneakers. I decide to give it a try, close the lid, and leave the washer to work it's magic and return to the couch.

A few minutes later I get up to throw away a piece of trash in the garbage can, which happens to share a room with the washer. This is what I find...

Like me, at first glance you may wonder to yourself, "hmm, maybe that's just what the inside of the washer is supposed to look like in the middle of a cycle...?" but what you don't see is all the soap bubbles that were overflowing around the closed lid and beginning to spill down the sides...so no, that is not what the inside of the washer is supposed to look like in the middle of a cycle.

Apparently what the "catalyst" setting failed to mention is that it also cleans your floors, too.

Cricket...Cricket...

2007-08-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's been forever since I've posted. Some of you have written nasty emails. Some of you have wondered if I'm dead. Most of you haven't noticed. But that's ok, I've always said this is all really for my own amusement anyways...here I am, typing and giggling away, and there you are, just shaking your head at your computer.

Well, if you're one of those who haven't noticed, you won't be reading this anyways so why am I even talking to you. If you wondered if I'm dead, never fear, the sarcasm is alive and well. And if you've complained...well, write your own blog, dangitt!

But in all honesty, I've needed a bit of a blogging break. But I do miss the weekly rants and dorky adventures so I'm going to try to get back into swing of things here. Unfortunately, no mutant spiders have invaded my truck, nor have any random FBI agents come knocking on my door, so I don't have any fabulous stories right now but I will be on a mission to lock myself out of my apartment for find some other equally retarded move that you've come to expect from the Crys McDonald Show.
Stay tuned!

...how....I mean...how?

2007-06-05T17:16:00.001-07:00

Some people lock themselves out of their cars. Me, I lock myself out of my apartment. You might be asking yourself how this is possible...

So I'm in my apartment Monday night relaxing in front of the tv. The phone rings, and as I'm talking I walk outside on my porch. I close the sliding glass door behind me because it's raining and I don't want Duncan to go outside and get wet. I talk for a few more minutes and realize I left my glass of water sitting on the counter, so I start to go back inside to get it. That's when I realize the charley bar on the sliding door has fallen down into the locked position, thus locking me outside on the porch!

Flabbergasted as to how this has happened, I realize there are actually a few upsides to my situation. First of all, I live on the bottom floor, so I'm not stranded 2 or 3 stories in the air, requiring some valiant prince to come by and shout "rapunzel, let down your hair" in order for me to be rescued. Second, I happened to be on the phone, so I can easily call someone for help (and text my friends so they can laugh at me).

Now, you would think the simple solution would be to just call my mom, have her bring over my spare key, and let me in. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. If you are an avid blog reader, you may know about my paranoid fear of someone coming into my apartment at night (yes, despite the knowledge that if they did, I would destroy them like a cock-a-roach), resulting in a compulsive need for all the doors and windows to be locked at all times. This would include the inside deadbolt that has no keyhole on the outside. So, having a spare key does me no good. Neither does calling a locksmith. So my options are now break a window, or have a locksmith come over and drill through my door at 9pm at night. Or, I could just give up and deal with it all in the morning, except my car keys are also mocking me from the counter.

Fortunately, God was smiling on me and the apartment maintenance man arrived (laughing, might I add...good thing I was laughing too...). He happened to have some excellent sliding-door-jimmying skills and we were able to pry it open enough for me to slide through and lift the bar.

I'm not sure who else this kind of thing happens too.

Random Moments of the C-Mac Show

2007-05-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed in my more recent posts, the benefits of my fabulous new digital camera. Thought you would like to enjoy a few more of the spoils.

You can't tell me that's not cute.

Grapevine Lake

Todd and Adelita's Wedding

New Years Eve

The Plight of Mr. Lizard

2007-05-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

The animal kingdom doesn't seem to understand the fact that my apartment, or whatever shelter I so choose to temporarily dwell, is a virtual deathbed for all intruders of the pest and rodent variety...which brings us to the latest casualty.
Here I was, minding my own business on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The porch door was open so Duncan could enjoy the weather, and he was snoozing in the sun when he discovered one of these aforementioned pests. He pursued, and naturally said pest took flight...right into my apartment (surely I had raised Duncan better than to chase something like that into our house??). I looked up just in time to see something scurry across the floor and into my recliner. I later learned it was a lizard...and I'm not talking about one of those teeny gecko things. This was a real, 4 inch long, slimy lizard. Ok maybe not slimy.
Now let me start my saying I am not afraid of lizards, nor was this any komodo dragon. But that doesn't mean I want it in my recliner, patiently waiting for night to fall when he can emerge from the depths of the chair springs and roam free in my apartment. So, Mr. Lizard as we will call him from now on, had to go.
My first thought was to get a bowl to trap him under once he escaped the chair. But, not willing to simply stroll out from the recliner and into my bowl, I needed to fashion some sort of poking device in order to drive him out. I started with a pen...definitely too short. I settled on a ruler. So I spent a good 30 minutes attempting to force him out of the nooks and crannies of the chair with my ruler...pretty much doing nothing but chasing him deeper into the chasms that I never noticed before within the depths of my recliner.
I paused. Found it necessary to document the occasion.

Refreshed, I decided to call Ross, who I consider a pretty good wrangler of wildlife. I don't know what I expected to get from him knowing he was already out of town, but I guess I was hoping he would have some great lizard-hunting tip like "lure it out with a piece of cheese" or something. No such luck. As I began to gain some important foresight, I realized if I suceeded in getting Mr. Lizard out of the chair, it was entirely possible he would escape my lighting-fast reflexes and foil my complicated bowl-trapping plot, and end up taking refuge under something else like the refrigerator, and I'd lose him forever.
So, I spent the next 10 minutes hauling the recliner outside onto the porch, lizard in tow, where I began the ruler-and-bowl game again. No dice. He was on to my plot. I needed a new plan of attack.

Not willing to simply close the footrest and crush him in the recliner, thus requiring me to clean Mr. Lizard guts out of it later, I slowly but methodically began a pattern of closing and opening the footrest, turning the chair upside down, turning it right side up again, and leaning it back to a reclined position. Gaining some ground in the battle, I found it necessary for more documentation.

My plan was working. The footrest mechanisms were forcing Mr Lizard toward the middle of the chair, and when it was leaned back he was being wedged out where the backrest met the seat. I was getting close, but I still needed something to pry him out the rest of the way, something more technical than a ruler.
I decided on a spatula.
Being able to wedge it into the folds of the seat right underneath him, after a few tries (the first with the spatula facing TOWARDS me...bad idea) I was able to get under him, slide him out and fling him across the porch. Not surprisingly, in the general direction of Duncan's teeth.
Somewhat dazed from his ordeal, Duncan had a good time playing with Mr. Lizard. Thus, victory was ours.

Looking at this picture, it kindof makes me wonder if it was all just Duncan's elaborate plan to get me to do all the hard work first...

Hallelujah!

2007-05-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Jimmy has officially graduated from TCU!!! We feared this day would never come. He and Cat will be moving to Lubbock at the end of June to start grad school (WHICH, by the way, I'm very upset with because I think they have no need to move until August which is when school starts, meaning they can spend more time with their fabulous sister, but whatever...). But at the least, they have to come back next summer to get married!

Jim's degree will be in music and Cat's will be...well...some sort of criminal...forensic...psychology...thing...just think CSI. All I know is it takes 6 years. Yikes.
Congrats to you both, ya'll are AWESOME!!!

You know what this means don't you...we're growing up.
I don't really know how I feel about that.

What God is Teaching Me

2007-05-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Legalism = Perfectionism (or the strive for it) = Lack of trust (because no one can do it as perfect as you) = Lack of vulnerability (because you don't trust anyone) = Loneliness = Strive to fill the void with something besides the only thing that can actually fill it, which is God.

What was it meant to be?

Grace = Acceptance (imperfections included) = Open-ness = Vulnerability = Fellowship = God's provision of abundance and satisfaction.

Hmmm.

Semester One...Check!

2007-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

So today officially marks the end of my first semester at seminary! And, so far so good! After the first couple months of attempting to read pages of what seemed like theological gibberish, alternated with looking up every other word in a dictionary and routinely convincing myself that no, I was in fact NOT an idiot, I did get back into the groove of the whole going-to-school and remembering-how-to-study thing. Seriously though, not one reading assignment did I not have to look up the defintion of multiple words. One time, I counted six words in one sentence I didn't know...six!!! And I haven't graduated yet, so don't ask me what ecumenical or exegesis or hermenutic or empirical mean yet because I'm still working on it.

If we rewind to undergrad, you would find out that I was compulsively obsessed with making perfect grades...and I almost did it too, I received only two B's in my entire undergrad career (And yes, those 2 Bs still haunt me to this DAY...but I'm over it, whatever..., and no you are not shocked by this fact because I'm still the same OCD dork so go ahead and insert mock surprise here...). But this time around, I resolved to be less obsessed with the GRADE, and more obsessed with actually learning and retaining. You see, I have fabulous memorization skills, and this is the reason I graduated with such flying colors. I literally memorized everything the professor said, and of course with the sophistication of the state school system, the final exams more often than not would also literally be word for word straight from the professor's lecture. So, simply memorize everything the professor says all semester, and finals are a breeze. But ask me now what type of volcanic rock is identified by it's striations or what happened at the Battle of Milvian Bridge, and I couldn't tell you (Ok but I did remember "striations" and "milvian bridge" and I bet you didn't so there...). The thing is, I'm the kind of person that learns by DOING...application, putting my hands on something and figuring it out...that's why I was good at theatre and all my arts classes. You don't just sit and listen and then get quizzed, you DO (which, by the way is a good reason you would think I would also be good at math...but guess again).

So all of that to say that when I began grad school, I decided that I didn't want to just succeed on paper, but break the memorization habits and actually learn for the long term and put it to the pavement and apply it, even if that means getting, God forbid, a B (or a grade with other letters I like to pretend don't exist). And let me tell you...accomplishing that goal is going to be hard for an obessive compulsive perfectionist like me. But by the end of the semester, I did finally figure out that it is not necessary to look up every single word I don't know in a 2,000 page book...it's ok to miss a few words here and there if you're still getting the big picture.
Easy concept you say...well I don't think you've tried being as perfect as I try to be.

All that being said, I'm still hoping for an A :) (Hey, baby steps...)

Blog? What Blog?

2007-05-01T19:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's been over a month since my last post. I will understand if you have boycotted my blog and hate me forever...but lets face it, if you keep that up, you will be sorry and humorless for the rest of your life, and we both know that an unfunny, blogless life is not what God intended. So thus, El Bloggo has resumed. It seems, surprisingly enough, that things got a little hectic at work with Easter, and I think only after it was over did I really take my first breath of relief since Christmas. So the blog fell by the wayside. But now I'm back with a brand new invention and I'll be regaling you with tales about mutant spiders and eharmony rejections once more. Stay tuned for stories about how I am a rockstar and rode go-carts with Hillsong United, and also the wrap-up of my first semester of seminary!

Until then, I'll try to live a much more exciting life that is worthy of the blog.

Congratulations Bro!

2007-03-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

So I want to brag on my super cool brother who just got accepted to the NYU Masters Program! And me, the straight-A student, is very jealous of the fact that despite his not so great grades, he still made it through with flying colors, a testament to just how much of a stinking awesome musician he is!!
So congratulations Jimmy!!!

A Word to the Wise

2007-03-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

For those of you who might enjoy the occasional bowl of granola for a morning meal or mid-afternoon snack like myself, let me offer a word of wisdom. Perhaps, like me, you might purchase the "grape-nuts" brand of granola. There is nothing wrong with this. But, perhaps one day at the grocery store next to that box of granola, is a more attractive "organic" brand of this same granola. You are intrigued. This is still not a problem. You pick up both boxes and compare the nutritional charts right there in the middle of the aisle. I encourage this behavior. Then, after much contemplation, you decide to purchase the organic grape-nuts granola for a change of pace. This, my friend, is where you have gone horribly, horribly wrong.
I know this first hand, because yesterday when I opened this box of organic grape-nut granola, excited about my healthy choice of snack, I found myself not with a mouthful of tasty granola but instead some sort of foul woodchip concoction.
Trust me on this one, should the healthy cereal that is the grape-nut allure you into purchasing it's deceivingly tasty organic product, do not give in. I repeat, do not give in. Not unless you want a mouthful of woodchips.

Just when I thought I didn't have anything to write about...

2007-03-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days when you end up at your destination, but you can't remember actually driving there? I was having one of those days today, and realized it about halfway to where I was going. It seemed like I was watching my life through a camera lens. I realized there were tons of people around me, but we were all isolated in our own little worlds, completely oblivious to each other. I wondered if anyone else wouldn't remember actually driving to their destination either. So I decided to take a little peek into everyone else's world as I passed by. The first guy was rocking out to his radio pretty hard core. One guy was picking his nose (I didn't pass by slow enough to see what he did with it...). A few people were just plain driving and didn't notice the crazy girl next to them not-so-subtly spying on them. But the last car was the best...as I passed by, I noticed a couple in the front seats, the passenger leaning over to the driver. Upon closer investigation, said couple is making out. Yes, while driving. And upon even closer investigation, said couple is actually two females. Yes, females. Making out. While driving.
I decided I didn't want to spy on anyone else after that, and went back to mindless driving in my own isolated world, where no one makes out.

Writer's Block

2007-03-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

So it's been unacceptably long since my last post. But frankly, for some reason I've simply had no ideas for anything brilliant to write about! It's not that there's nothing exciting happening in my life, but I just can't seem to find an entertaining way to write about it. So, sorry for the absence, and I'll try to get the creative juices flowing again soon. Suggestions welcome! :)

Blog Makeover

2007-03-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the new and improved blog, tell me what you think!!

The Almighty Idiot Box

2007-03-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

Last night I found myself watching the premier of “America’s Next Top Model” (hey, I get 5 channels…that was the best option). I watched one hour of the two hour premier, and found myself absolutely disgusted. First of all, because, and I say this in the nicest way possible, these were not attractive women at all. And I mean body image aside, I’m just talking about their faces. Not attractive. Not even a little cute. Maybe one or two of them out of the twenty or thirty girls I could consider beautiful, but I really expected that a national television show which auditioned thousands of girls across the country would have more impressive results.
But on top of that, not one of them seemed to have any redeeming personality qualities. Granted, I only got to know them for one hour, but I was audibly groaning and scoffing in disgust at the tv. I am of the belief that even the most unattractive people become gorgeous by having a beautiful personality, and vice versa, the most stunning women become utterly repellent with nasty personalities. And even though I tried to give them this benefit of the doubt, there was beauty neither inside nor out.
And as they strutted around in their I-have-bigger-handkerchiefs-than-that bikinis, very few body structures could I find appealing, most entirely too skinny to be attractive at all, and keep in mind the camera adds ten pounds!
And yet, something inside my feminine brain still looked at my own body and part of me compared myself to them, and I didn’t measure up. Despite my conscious and audible disgust, some automatic part of me still coveted this “beauty”. And admittedly, I worked just a little harder during my workout this morning. WHY?? How does this make any sense at all?? It doesn’t. And yet it’s there, and it exists.

No matter how content and secure a woman can be with her body image, we live in a world that worships the almighty idiot-box, and with that we allow the media gods to hand us our ten commandments that we should live by. Thou shall be beautiful to those who must look at you, and thy beauty is defined as zero fat, zero muscle, 5’10’’, and layers of makeup, hairspray, and padded bras. Thou shall make enough money. Thou shall be powerful. Thou shall be sexy and desirable.
Whatever that means.

You Can't Please Everybody

2007-02-23T21:21:00.000-08:00

So it’s the evening after our annual C3 Conference, and my brain is still a little crispy, but I realized I have not updated my blog since before Valentines Day and as a result, some of you have been leading humorless and boring doldrums of lives, awaiting the dry sarcastic entertainment that is the Crys McDonald Show. Thus, I am inspired to share the following story.
My cat, Duncan, is spoiled with a capital S. He has more toys than any animal I know, and would never dream of doing something charitable like box up the ones he never plays with and donate them do the less fortunate starving cats living in Africa. But he is spoiled because I love him, and I want only the best for the fuzzy little hairball (who occasionally tries to suffocate me in my sleep by curling up on my face). So, this week I decided to purchase some of that wet cat food in a can for him. I have never fed him this kind of cat food before because I always see the commercials of the pure white fuzzy himalayan eating it out of a wine glass on a red velvet pillow, and even I refuse to go to such lengths of spoilage. But, I recently read an article about how wet cat food is actually healthier than dry kibbles (I even looked for the organic brand, but no luck), so I bought three cans of varying flavors to bring home to his royal highness.
Tonight, it was no surprise that his majesty was at my feet within microseconds of the sound of a can opener. I put down this new tasty treat next to his dry kibbles, and Duncan immediately starting chowing down. Surprised he didn’t turn up his finicky nose at the cuisine, I left him to his dinner. A few minutes later, I came back to see if he ate his scrumptious snack.

Turns out he licked off all the juice and left the food.
This is my cat, ladies and gentlemen.

Solo Valentine

2007-02-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

So I realized that next week will mark my fourth non-date valentine's day in a row. Now, any normal female spending this particular evening with only the tv and her cat might start to ask themselves if they are giving off some kind of male-repellant vibe, or if are they not attractive, or maybe what is wrong with them, or for the very confident, what is wrong with men that they don't notice said woman's fabulousness? Now I'm not going to say those questions haven't worked their way into my own head every now and then, I'm only human. But perhaps the quiz I took below entitled "What Does Your Candy Heart Say" might have a more self-affirming explanation for my dry spell?

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Is it because I drive a truck?

2007-02-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Squirrel - it's what's for supper

What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Celebrity Death Match

2007-01-31T18:53:00.000-08:00

Inspired by the comments of my previous post, I have decided to arrange a Celebrity Death Match between Ryan Seacrest and Jack Bauer. Fortunately, this blog provides the exclusive play by play! The contenders are in their corners and the crowd is wild with anticipation...are you ready to ruuuummmbbblllleeee????

ROUND ONE
The bell rings and Ryan's eyes are immediately straying to the hot ladies in the front row. Focus, Ryan, focus! Jack's lightning quick reflexes take advantage of this and immediately go for Ryan's only weapon, his microphone. Jack is beating him over the head with it, and now he's..he's trying to strangle Ryan with the cord! And now Ryan is prying himself free by attempting to scratch Jack's eyes out, but wait...Jack just grabbed Ryan by his frosted tips and...what is he doing? Oh no! Jack just shoved the entire microphone up Ryan's nose!! Round One goes to Jack Bauer, folks!

ROUND TWO
Ryan is back in the game, and he wants vengence for his beloved microphone. Nobody touches Ryan's microphone...or his prefect tresses, for that matter. Ryan is...wait, he's getting out of the ring? What is he doing? He's going into the audience and...its...its...its William Hung! Ryan is bringing him into the ring and...oh god, William's singing!! Jack is covering his ears and is obviously weakened. William is still singing and now he's...oh folks, this is terrible...gyrating! Jack is howling in anger and agony, but he's still not out. So Ryan is leaving the ring again...what this time? He's bringing...who is that...it's Simon Cowell! He's bringing Simon Cowell into the ring, and now Simon is mentally harrassing Jack! Jack is on his knees, covering his ears against William and Simon, and now Ryan is starting to tell unbeliveably bad jokes!...William is getting louder and let me tell you folks, those hips don't lie...Simon continues to insult him and Ryan makes worse and worse jokes...and now Jack is on the ground...one...two...three...and the round goes to Ryan!!! Unbelievable folks, Ryan Seacrest has brought Jack Bauer to his knees! Who would have ever thought William Hung's voice had the power to bring down the inconquerable Jack Bauer??

ROUND THREE
And Round Three has begun, it all comes down to this, folks! Jack and Ryan are face to face, mano-a-mano, man versus...well, Ryan. And Ryan is charging Jack! But Jack just stiff-armed Ryan and now he's holding Ryan's forehead as Ryan swings with both arms trying to punch him! It looks like Ryan is starting to lose a little steam. He's stepping back, looks like he's trying to think of a new plan of attack. Wait...Jack is walking right towards him...Ryan backs up...he's against the ropes and Jack keeps advancing towards him, this could be it, folks! But wait, what's going on here? It looks like Jack is simply standing in front of Ryan, staring him down. He's not moving a muscle! Ryan is beginning to shake...and Jack seems to be giving him some kind of evil eye! What could Jack have up his sleeve? He continues to stare and...and...unbelievable! Ryan just fell to the ground and Jack didn't even touch him! It seems Jack Bauer has the ability to kill people with a single glimpse!!! And here's the ref...yes, it's official! Ryan is out cold, Jack has won! What a match, folks, what a match! And if everyone will draw their attention to the jumbo-tron, we will now play the song "So You Had a Bad Day" and reply slow-motion moments of Ryan's pathetic loss.

We'll see you next time folks, on Celebrity Death Match!

Standing Strong

2007-01-29T16:32:00.000-08:00

About this time last year I started watching a little-known tv show on Tuesday nights, you've probably never heard of it. I never watched any of the other seasons because I was, and still am, morally opposed to such frivolity.
But last season, I thought it would be entertaining to watch the auditions. It was. After the auditions were over, I had little interest in watching the rest, but alas, my entertainment-savvy best friends were totally into it, so I took part in the weekly watching parties so I could heckle to my heart's content.
Unfortunately, the blood-sucking corporate machine masquerading under the title of "American Idol" succeeded in sucking in yet another Ryan-Seacrest-tolerating drone...me...and thus the addiction began.
Yes, I watched every week. Yes, I yelled at the tv, and often the voting public of America. Yes, I voted for Taylor and yes...I went to the concert. And you know what, I loved it. And I hate that.

But this year...I'm standing strong against American Idol. I refuse to fall victim to it's commercial fabrications and sacrifice not one, but TWO nights a week to it's broadcast just because I am addicted to the manufactured emotion and scripted drama of only semi-talented musicians and one drunk Paula Abdul. I won't do it. It won't suck me in. I don't care how much tension Ryan Seacrest can prolong over two solid hours. I'm standing strong.*

*What is not noted here is my undying addiction to 24, which does indeed occupy exactly one hour a week of my precious time, and to which no amount of non-violent, let-the-terrorists-live kind of rehab could change.

Just My Opinion

2007-01-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

Guys, valentines day (or what I like to call "Single Awareness Day") is less than a month away. Do you have a crush on a girl that you want to ask out? Please, oh please, let me give you some advice. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances, ask her out in an email. OR a text message. The phone is barely acceptable. Be a man and ask her out in person...if she's as great as you think she is, she deserves it. Asking a girl out over the computer or text message is a cop out. You've just failed at your very first task as her potential future boyfriend...which does nothing to boost her confidence that you will have the courage it will take to actually BE her future boyfriend. And don't beat around the bush till she asks you out, either. Step up and be a man! My personal philosophy is that I don't care if you are Brad Pitt, if you ask me out in an email or text message, the answer is no. And I guarantee that any other girl worth your time will be similarly disappointed if you do.
Just my opinion.

Blog ADD

2007-01-18T17:43:00.000-08:00

I've written too many long posts lately and my brain is tired. Soooo...

I like bread.
Mmmm...bread.

That concludes today's post.

Everyday Miracle

2007-01-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

My recent life of utter chaos and disorder that masqueraded itself under the title of "Christmas" has come and gone, and now that I've had time to sleep and get back to my everyday life of somewhat less chaos and more order, you have the pleasure of hearing my thoughts about it.
Ok perhaps I am being a little dramatic with the phrase "utter chaos and disorder" but it did get pretty darn busy and ridiculously stressful for a while there. But, glutton for punishment that I am, it was also pretty fun. I had a lot to do with the preparation of the Grapevine Christmas services, but I was also the production manager for our Alliance campus, and it was really exciting to do something new and different and so much bigger than anything they've ever seen at that campus before. You know me...I can't do anything halfway, so it was go big or go home out at the Alliance campus! (Yes, that's also my shout-out to Ryan Mordecai...) And in the final 24 hours before the service, of course my eyes saw all the things we could or should have done better or wish we had time for. But my prayer that week (well, one of the many) was that God create the service HE truly wanted created for that campus, and not the one I wanted. And in the end, that was exactly what he did. It was amazing to see God's work on the service that we, as humans, could produce. We did our best, which frankly, in my eyes, was not good enough. But something happened between the very last run-through at 9am that morning and the very first service at 10. We took it as far as we could take it, and then the Holy Spirit stepped in and took it to the next level, where He wanted it to be. If you had been there, you would have seen it too.
In addition, never once did he leave my side that week, and there is no explanation other than the absolute power of the God that sustained me through it all. Every morning before the sun rose I surrendered the day to Him and simply praised Him for everything, good or bad, and every night with only a few hours before I had to get up again, I marveled at how He had come through that day.
While this was my first Christmas at Fellowship, or for that matter in ministry at all, I was expecting it to be difficult and for the spiritual warfare to be at full tilt. But for some reason what I didn't expect was the greatness of God to pervade it all! I mean knew he would be there, I knew we would all get through it, but the physical evidence of his hand on my life, and on the lives of my coworkers around me all trying to accomplish the same goal, for some reason I didn't expect and it just blew me away every day.
I've been involved with shows that all you try to do is get through the week, get the show up, and survive. I guess that's what I expected to do this Christmas...survive. But I did so much more than survive, I thrived! Yes, I was pretty wiped out by the time it was over, but the point is I succeeded! I was victorious! And the best part, it had nothing to do with me!
Going forward, it is my prayer that we can all offer that same surrender and praise every day, regardless of the circumstances. And after that, to not just know that God is capable of the Old-Testament miracles that we believe in our heads but maybe doubt could actually happen today, but instead to believe with our hearts, expect even, in the everyday miracle. And by "everyday", I don't mean insignificant or mundane or routine, but the miracles that happen everyday that we don't even notice. For example, the fact that the thousands of speeding missles we call cars doesn't happen to hit yours today. The fact that I woke up this morning and didn't have to take a single medication or pill to sustain any failing health. The fact that after my last heartbeat, there's another one after it that I never even thought about. Or after my last breath, there's another one after that, too. Everyday miracles.
I had every reason to look at the negative and throw in the towel that week. But those everyday miracles were so bright and obvious to me, Satan's attacks were irrelavent. I hope that challenging circumstances won't be the only thing that brings the everyday miracle to my attention, but now that I am reminded they are there, I will continue to see them and live a life in complete surrender and praise to the one who made them!

Basic Truths about Jack Bauer

2007-01-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

1) Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
3) If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
4) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
5) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.
6) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
8) Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
9) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
10) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
11) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
12) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
13) Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
14) Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
15) Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
16) When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
17) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
18) Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
19) Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
20) When Jack Bauer pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.
21) Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
22) When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
23) You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
24) Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
25) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
26) Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer”.
27) In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done with your life?
28) Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
29) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
30) What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
31) Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
32) If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
33) People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
34) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
35) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
36) Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
37) When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
38) It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
39) Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
40) Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Disclaimer...oh, I wish I wrote this, but no, instead I shamefully stole it from another blog in order to save my own blog from being un-funny. If Jack Bauer had a blog, he'd do it too.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-08T11:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's a week after New Years, but that just means that you've had plenty of time to come up with your resolutions by now. I have to be honest, I had a hard time coming up with mine. Last year's was easy...the cliche "lose weight and get in shape, start living a healthier lifestyle...". But surprisingly enough, I really succeeded in keeping that one! Problem is, now I can't use it this year. And I don't think "go on a date" can really count as a resolution. So it took me some time to think about what I really wanted to improve on over the next year, but here's what I came up with:

1) Continue healthy lifestyle habits, and try to be as successful this year as I was last year in keeping up with it! That includes working out at a minimum of 4 days a week, but 6 on a regular basis, and of course eating healthy 6 days a week (hey, you gotta have a cheat day in there for pizza and ice cream!!)
2) Journal more. I don't mean 'dear diary' journals, I mean prayer journals in my quiet time. I used to do this all the time but seem to have fallen away from it, and I want to get back in the habit.
3) Not only READ God's word more, but also STUDY it more. I am notorious for finding great Christian self-improvement books for quiet time, but never opening the word. I need to make a point to get back into the word, but also to STUDY it. Of course going back to school will help with the study part.

So what are YOUR resolutions?? I want to hear them!! First of all because it's fun to get comments on my blog...but also so I can steal the good ones for myself...muh-ah-ah.

The Return of Blog

2007-01-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right, the greatest show on earth has returned!! Since my last post, we created this magical, beautiful, amazing encounter with God that we called a Christmas service. According to our pastor, there were 18 billion services. While there were one or two fewer than that, it was pretty close and it's taken us pretty much every waking moment, and many non-waking moments, since Thanksgiving to get it off the ground. More posts to come about that later!

In other news, my good friends Todd Baker and Adelita Gonzales, for those of you who know them, got engaged and have the best story about how a beautiful diamond ring was anonymously provided to them through the hand of God! They will be getting married at the beginning of May.
I also bought my first washer and dryer over the holiday! You may not think that's very exciting, but trust me, it is! It's almost like I'm a grown-up. I also got a new tv for Christmas and while I don't have cable, my fabulous rabbit ears from Kara now pick up an amazing 15 channels! And some additional Spanish ones to boot. And finally, you may notice that I am on vacation...at home...writing this blog...which means after multiple years without, I finally have internet access in my home!! It's like it's 2007 or something.
Also, grad school begins January 17th. I'm only taking one class (hey, it's been a while...I gotta ease my way back into the school thing!) and it's called "Intro to Theology". I'm really excited about it, I've always been a student at heart and to show you what a nerd I am, I got really excited when my textbooks arrived and I've already started reading them. (I know what you're thinking...what I REALLY needed for Christmas was a pocket protector...)
And finally, my mom had surgery this weekend, please keep her in your prayers! It was yesterday morning and all went as planned and she should be able to come home on Monday, but she has 6 weeks of recovery ahead of her where she's not allowed to do ANYthing, including drive!

Now that your caught up, this blog will resume posting it's regularly scheduled musings.

Happy Turkey Day to Me!!!

2006-11-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

It's official...I'm going back to school! I somehow slipped past the DTS board and received my acceptance letter today! Classes begin January 15th...go ahead and start praying for me now!
Woo hoo!!!

How to Approach the Subject of a Blind Date

2006-11-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

This is the hilariously sneaky email my mom sent to me yesterday. At first I thought it was one of those goofy forwards, until I realized she actually made this up out of her head and was seriously trying to set me up! It was just too good not to put on the blog!
*Also, names have been changed to protect the innocent

M.O.S.D., Inc (Mothers of Single Daughters, Inc) is a non-profit organization devoted to being on the lookout for potential (cute) suitors. Following is an anonymous survey we request you (heretofore un-named daughter) fill out.

1.If heretofore un-named mother were to encounter a potential suitor for heretofore un-named daughter, would said party choose A, B, or C:
A.I am not even slightly interested - mind your own business.
B.I am slightly interested - tell me more.
C.I don't care if he's a monkey, I'll date him. (heretofore un-named mother is pretty sure this choice would not even be close!)

2.If heretofore un-named daughter chose B, read on.

3.Heretofore un-named mother has friend (Bobby Joe's* nephew) to be described as follows:
-lives in Coppell (very close to heretofore daughter's work place - possible lunch encounter comes to mind?)
- heretofore mother has seen said nephew and...very cute!
- said nephew's profession is believed to be advertising (currently interviewing w/Fox News or something to that affect)
- said nephew comes from a Christian family and attends church
- according to all reports, said nephew has an excellent sense of humor
- said nephew is not dating anyone seriously at the moment and according to the secondary heretofore un-named mother belonging to M.O.S.D., Inc, is usually open to (oh, no...the dreaded words...) a BLIND DATE! Ahhhh!

M.O.S.D., Inc is not responsible for any happy ever afters or dates from h--- connected with this survey. Thank you for considering our survey.

You Are Mexican Food

2006-11-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

I'm not really sure how I feel about this.
See what kind of food you are! www.blogthings.com/whatkindoffoodareyouquiz/

Christmas...seriously?

2006-11-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

I was in Garden Ridge THREE weeks ago, and they were already playing nonstop Christmas music. A mere 2 days after Halloween, I heard a commercial on KLTY saying that this time last year was when they started playing nonstop Christmas music on their station.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for having the Christmas spirit all year long and all that, but the day after Halloween, seriously? Or if you work at Garden Ridge, three weeks before Halloween??? I do NOT remember things starting so early this time last year.

Whatever happened to the weekend after Thanksgiving being the official put-up-your-christmas-tree date? I seem to remember a time when you were publicly scorned if you had christmas lights on your house earlier than Thanksgiving. And you know what people, that's the way it should be! If you are putting up your Christmas decorations and calling KLTY to tell them to start playing Christmas music, stop it right now! You don't understand the potential Christmas damage you could cause. You think it's great now...but when you're throwing up 2 weeks before Christmas because you are so cotton-picking tired of hearing Bing Crosby sing about the White Christmas that never actually appears in Dallas, Texas, you'll be sorry. Or when you realize your October electricity bill is through the roof not because of your heating bill but because of the christmas lights, you will be ready to take them down before Thanksgiving even comes around. Or when you gain your holiday weight in early November, you’re gonna be up a creek come Turkey Day.

See my point, people? There is a reason we wait until after Thanksgiving. At this rate, this time next year kids will be hearing non-stop Christmas music in August on the bus to their first day of school! And then the year after that, in May while they're taking their finals! And then the year after that, the colors of Valentines Day will morph from pink and white to red and green. Five years from now we won't even bother taking our decorations down because New Years Day will be when it’s time to put them back up again. Then we will have found ourselves living in a saccharine-soaked, willi-wonka, lollipop life where it’s Christmas every day and let me tell you something people, there is no place for negative blogging in days like those.

What is "the fear of stupid things"?

2006-10-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm brushing my teeth, and I think about when one day, I'll be married, and what if I don't want my husband to see me brushing my teeth with toothpaste foam all over my mouth?
Or what if I talk in my sleep and he hears me...or what if I snore!
Or what if I'm tired of being the insect warrior and just trap the spiders under a cup until he comes home...would he mind??

Married life seems so complicated.

Did you know...?

2006-10-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

The fear of staying single is called Anuptaphobia.
Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.
Necrophobia is the fear of death.
Homilophobia is the fear of sermons.
Panophobia is the fear of everything.

The fear of long words is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

I kid you not.

Adventures in Housesitting, Day 7

2006-10-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

Another little life lesson I've learned from housesitting...

Just because the dog barks at 1am does not mean there is a rapist at the door.
Sometimes it's a Q-tip.

Scorpion Watch 2006

2006-10-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

For those of you keeping track, it's drawing near the end of week 1 and the score is Crys 1, Scorpions 0.

Also, a few scorpion afterthoughts:
1. Brown-colored scorpions blend in very well on hardwood floors.
2. Never walk barefoot during a scorpion invasion because of #1.
3. In life, never take the cockroaches for granted, or else God will give you scorpions. He has a funny sense of humor that way.
4. A fully stocked refrigerator and free internet, direct tv, and lets face it...free electricity...make a few scorpions seem not so bad after all.

Goodbye Cockroaches, Hello...

2006-10-02T19:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm housesitting my parents place for the next two weeks. I came over last Friday so my mom could show me where the dog food and extra pillows are kept. She tells me everything I need to know in order to keep their house from burning down while they are gone. And at the end, she adds "oh yeah, and one more thing. Not to creep you out, but we have...scorpions. I haven't seen any in a long time, but I just wanted to let you know." So basically, I've traded my apartment full of cockroaches for a house full of scorpions. I haven't quite decided which I prefer yet. One the one hand, the cockroaches are bigger, and more disgusting. I get a shiver just thinking about them. BLEH. But on the other hand...I'd prefer not to have any organism in my house that the Crocodile Hunter may have once pursued...and avoided.

So I think to myself...oh well. It is what is it. So I moved in on Sunday to be greeted with a long list of reminders so I am sure not to forget things like how many flakes go in the fishbowl.
As I continue through the house, I keep finding little post-it notes everywhere...like one on the dishwasher that instructs me which buttons to push...and one on the space on the counter where the mail should go...
Then I find a little plastic baggie...I read the post it attached that says "not to freak you out, but here's what they look like..." and in the baggie...yep, you guessed it...was a dead scorpion!!!! I'm just wondering if anyone else's mom stores dead venomous insects to show their kids?
Of course then I realize...she doesn't either. Which means she had to have found it between Friday when I was there with her, and Sunday when they left...which means her comforting "I haven't seen any in a long time" statement is now null and void.

So if I'm late for work anytime over the next two weeks, it's because I'm protecting the house from the deadly scorpions that are descending on it.
On one hand, I hope I don't see any. But on the other hand, I almost want to find one and put it in plastic baggie, and when I leave I can put a post-it on it saying "here's another one for your collection..."

My Brush with the Law

2006-09-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Let me set the stage for you...it's Monday night, 9:30pm. My girlfriends from our accountability group left my house at 9. I change into my pjs...shorts and a tshirt...pile my hair on top of my head, and pull out my guitar for a few minutes of out-of-tune-plunking before bed.

Then...a big knock on my front door. Odd, I think...no one usually comes knocking this time of night. I look out the peephole and see nothing. Now I wouldn't normally open the door this late at night because I’ve read the emails that flood my inbox about women who live alone and open the door to a serial killer. But since the girls just left, I wonder if it’s one of them and they accidentally left something at my house, so I open the door.

To my surprise, a cop steps around the corner! And by cop, I don't mean your average, run of the mill policeman. I mean a very big black man with the words "fugitive patrol" embroidered on his uniform. I suddenly find myself very aware of the fact that I did not shave my legs that day (why that’s the first thing I think of, I do not know).

So the giant fugitive patrol man says he's looking for “Gary”, I say I think he has the wrong apartment. He holds up a picture of some guy I've never seen before and I tell him there's no one here by that name.

Then he tells me that “Gary” is a felon, and that giant man has a search warrant and needs to come in. By then every piece of spam email I've ever gotten about men impersonating cops in order to get in women’s house, stop them at gas stations, or pull them over to the side of the road only to take advantage of them suddenly flood my brain. Cue adreneline rush! Uh, no, you can't come in, I say to the giant black man standing at my door. He gets a little irritated and reminds me that he has a search warrant and because this is a felony matter, he doesn't need to stand here and discuss it with me, and as a matter of fact had I not answered the door, he would have kicked it in.

So I explain to him that I will be happy to let him in except that I live alone and I need to know he is a real cop…I think, if he’s a real cop, he would understand this…and I ask if he has a partner so it’s not just me and some strange man alone in my house? In response he tells me, in a way that is subtly meant to inspire fear, that his partner is at my back door. I think to myself, ahh!! There are TWO rapists and they’ve got me surrounded!!! I eye his ginormous muscles, I think to myself that yes, I am in fact superwoman, but I’m pretty sure I can’t take him. However, he has yet to assure me that he is a real officer and not Joe-Rapist off the street.

About this time, officer #2 circles around my apartment to join giant man #1 at the front door, I assume to find out why he hasn’t by this time kicked the door in, guns waving and bullets flying. I repeat why I haven’t let the giant man in, and officer #2 pulls out 2 government IDs along with his badge. I gladly let them in. I wonder, was that so hard??

Officer #1 proceeds to search my house looking for “Gary”, while officer #2 explains all the fabulously wonderful things this Gary had done and why they are looking for him, and apparently he lived in my apartment before I did. By then both officers were very nice and even said they appreciate women’s concern like mine, even though it can get in the way sometimes.

Later that night as I replay the scene in my head, I wondered what would have happened had I not answered the door?? Here I am, a frail and meek little woman, sitting in my pajamas, minding my own business, when giant black man claiming to be a cop breaks my door down!!! I would probably scream, jump to my feet and grab my cell phone, rush to my room and lock my door. As I frantically call 911 and grab the mace off my nightstand, officer #2 would run around to my bedroom window, while giant officer #1 would be working on breaking my bedroom door down because they still assume “Gary” lives here and I am either harboring a fugitive or trying to escape thru the window. Then, hearing the commotion, officer #2 would break thru my window with a Chuck-Norris type karate kick and roll onto my bedroom floor. Giant officer #1 would be through the door by now, and both would tackle me. They would be caught off guard with what a worthy adversary I am and I would definitely maim both of them…but they would win in the end (dude…you should have SEEN his muscles…). They would handcuff me and search the rest of my house for “Gary”, before finally realizing there is in fact no “Gary” here at all. Then they would be embarrassed that they broke 2 doors and a window, attacked an innocent woman, and my cat probably would have run away through the broken door, when all they had to do was check with the apartment complex the day before to see that “Gary” had moved out 6 months ago.

And I would sit there handcuffed, still embarrassed that I didn’t shave my legs that day. Oh…the things I worry about…

Suggestions?

2006-09-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Since February, I have totally changed my lifestyle and eaten healthier and started exercising. This is not because I have some skewed self-image problem and think I am fat and need to lose weight, as most people think whenever a girl says she wants to start working out. I truly want, and need, to live a healthier lifestyle. Weight loss is simply an added bonus. And so far I’m doing pretty good. There’s still plenty of room for improvement, but I can’t begin tell you what a huge difference I’ve seen between February and today. And not just in body shape, but I just FEEL better. I sleep better. I have more energy. It’s greatness.

But here’s the problem I’ve run into and maybe someone out there will have some good advice. I’ve tried to start incorporating running into my cardio workouts, and I’m finding that instead of dropping body fat, I tend to be bulking up my lower body instead. (now don’t get onto me about body fat…like I said, I have no illusions of being overweight or needing to lose weight, but I have no illusions of athleticism either!) After talking to some other women, I’m finding a popular opinion about running…that some people can run and the weight just falls off them, but other people can run and they suddenly become the Incredible Hulk. I’m just wondering why this is. Maybe I have too much protein in my diet? Maybe some particular body types, like mine, just need a different kind of cardio workout, in which case, does anyone have any suggestions? Or maybe this is just God’s way of turning me into Supergirl, because my undiscovered calling is to go Chuck Norris on all bad guys and sexual predators lurking in parking lots and alleyways?

All thoughts and comments welcome.

When you need a smile...

2006-09-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

Because sometimes you forget that yes, it could indeed be worse...

As they say in the theatre world...

2006-08-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, my season as a small group Hometeam leader has come and gone…last Sunday, after 2 years (exactly!) of being a hometeam leader, I stepped down from my position. It’s kinda weird. I keep thinking things like “oh, I have to be sure to write this in the weekly email” or “I better get with Ross to see when our next planning meeting is” or “we should use that example for the next lesson”…except I don’t have to do those things anymore. And that’s how my brain has always worked…hometeam has always been so close to my heart that it’s never very far from my mind. I could be driving down the road and suddenly think of something I need to do for the hometeam, or be in the middle of work and suddenly have some great idea for the next lesson. Ross knows all about this, because when those random thoughts hit me, guess who gets the first phone call!

I know there are like 3 people who read this blog, but I want to give a shout out to the ever-evolving hometeam that has held such a huge part of my heart for the last 2 years. First of all to Erick…had he not been a hometeam leader himself, and such a selfless servant-hearted one at that, I never would have gotten plugged in to hometeam, to Fellowship Church, and to Christ. He taught me everything I needed to know about becoming a Christ-follower to being a baby Christian to growing up to a woman of God. And to Matt, who taught me what it meant to encourage spiritual leadership, rather than trying to do it all myself! To Amanda, who reminds me everyday what it means to have a childlike faith, and to Brad, who can’t help but instill his contagious hunger and passion for the Lord in everyone he meets. To Jami, who inspires other with her perseverance and persistence thru all obstacles, and to David who always reminded me to laugh. And finally to Ross, my most recent co-leader, and to whom I leave all of hometeam in his ever-capable hands. Of all the leaders I have teamed up with, Ross probably saw me at my worst (well, with the exception of Erick, who saw the pre-Christ Crys!). Ross saw me through those last few months of hometeam…when I was so tired that the last thing I wanted to do was meet up with him to plan the next lesson, and he energized me. When I felt defeated because only a few people showed up to that week’s meeting, and he pointed out all the awesome things I had done. When I just couldn’t figure out God’s will for my role in hometeam, and he was the prayer warrior above all warriors. And when I said I was leaving, he was supportive even though he didn’t like it.

And to everyone else who I didn’t lead with, but rather attempted to lead, either successfully or not, you as well have touched my life. Last Sunday people like Ross and Matt told me how much they learned from me or were influenced by me, but I have to say that anything I may have done to inspire people, the hometeam has given back to me ten-fold. My life has been changed and is improved because of the people I met there. If you go to Fellowship Church and you are reading this blog and not in a hometeam, get in one NOW! (which is unlikely because the 3 people that read this blog are all in my hometeam) My life would never have the abundant blessings of God that it has now without the influence of hometeam, and I am so sad that I am no longer going to be leading anymore, but I know it is of God and because of that his peace surrounds me.

So as my hometeam leader season comes to a close, there’s only one thing left to say…

Aaaaand…scene.

WHAT I love...

2006-08-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Last year me and some friends took a road trip to New York. To pass the time, we made up a game where we all say things we love starting with every letter of the alphabet. So thus begins the game of ‘what I love…’ (not to be confused with the post ‘why I love…’)

A- Aaah…I already can’t think of something for A. We’re off to a good start.
B- Broadway Shows…specifically Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Les Mis.
C- Crys! You say conceit, I say healthy self-image. So there.
D- Duncan! I would say Duncan is my cat, but in reality, I am his human.
E- Emperor’s New Groove, one of the best movies ever! Llamaface!!!!
F- Fried stuff. Chicken. Okra. Mushrooms. Pickles. Who needs moderation?
G- Gum. Less because I love it, more because I need it. Yes, oral fixations abound.
H- Hugs. And real ones, not those sissy side ones.
I- Ice Cream!! Perhaps my biggest vice. Ben and Jerry’s Neopolitan Dynamite. Or Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate.
J- Jesus! (You didn’t think I was going to leave out the Sunday School answer, did you?)
K- Kelly Clarkson. I don’t follow a lot of music but she’s one of my faves. And she’s from Texas so she’s already cooler than most.
L- Laughing. It’s just fun. And you burn calories doing it.
M- Mapquest. Seriously, how did we ever get anywhere before it existed?
N- New York City…the place I would live if it weren’t in Texas
O- Organization. And all the cool bins and containers, notebooks, and labelmakers that go with it. And yes, I am an office supply dork. Show me a desktop organizer and I’ll show you the many wonderous categories of the pen.
P- Playing guitar. I’m currently taking applications for groupies.
Q- Quiet time with God every morning. With my cup of coffee on the patio. Greatness.
R- Red Robin. Mmmmm.
S- Starbucks. Or really, coffee in general.
T- Texas! I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
U- Underwear. It’s very important people. You shouldn’t leave home without it.
V- Very good workouts. Yes, that counts for V. As much as I hate to say it, I like working out. (but running sucks)
W-Wheat Thins. I will OD on those things.
X- X-Men. Ok I’ve never seen the movie, but I would make a killer superhero, so I figure I would like it if I saw it. (Hey…you think of something you love that begins with x!)
Y- Ok I don’t have anything for Y. Or Z. I was stretching with X. But I’m the only one playing the ‘what I love’ game so I still win. The end.

Why I love...The Web Office!

2006-07-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the latest installment of “why I love…” and today I love the web office! Boy…that web office is really cool. I mean, it has windows and Ikea furniture. And you never have to turn the fluorescent lights on, and the walls are really white.

Ok, what I really love are the guys IN the web office. Why? Because it was there that I was first welcomed into the Fellowship family with sarcasm and mockery…I mean brotherly love and affection. It was there that I learned that to be really important at Fellowship Church, you had to have TWO computer monitors, eat Quiznos like it was going out of business, and whoever dies with the most water bottle caps wins. I also learned all about Bradittude, which I would explain if I thought you could handle it, but you can’t.
I also love them because I can come and visit them any time I want and they are always happy to see me! At least, they pretend to be. I think they are really just hoping for cookies. Or an invite to lunch.
Brian is a super cool boss because he lets them print out giant posters of him and tape it to the door. He’s also really smart and talented and has been published in the wall street journal. We’ve discussed the intelligence of his blog and how much more smarter it is than mine…I would insert a link to it here except I’m not that smarrt.
Brad is also super cool because he does things like curling (the human-sized shuffle board thing they do in the Olympics) and swim to Alcatraz in shark-infested waters. I don’t know anybody who can say that. He also leads a hometeam, and hometeam leaders in and of themselves are cool.
Andy seems pretty super cool but I gotta say I don’t know him very well since I got booted out of the office when he showed up so he could have a desk (seriously people, priorities). But I do know that he’s always at the tone & tighten classes at lunch so he can probably beat up Chuck Norris.
And of course there’s Jeph, who even if you don’t know him, you already know he’s super cool because he spells his name with a PH. People with alternative and confusing spellings of their names are always cool. Jeph also has the best sense of humor out of anyone I know, and he says it’s pronounced “porsch” instead of “porsch-A”. Try it next time you see him. He likes it, I swear.

So, web office, that is why I love you. Never change your unique blend of witty, jovial, cynical, clever, chuck-norris kicking, weird name spelling, smart blog typing, bradittuding fun because you guys are great!

Oh yeah…and I like bread.

Florida is stealing my friends.

2006-07-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Stupid Florida. It steals all my friends. First the Bradquester and now Ryan King and who knows who else around here will be boxed up and shipped off to Florida.

Ok don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that we have a new church in Miami, it’s amazing in ways I can’t even fathom. And so stinking exciting. I love it. Every minute of it.

But Florida is not allowed to steal any more of my friends. None. No more. That’s it. El Fine.

Dinner for One

2006-07-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

How to Eat Alone
by Daniel Halpern

While it’s still light out set the table for one: a red linen tablecloth, one white plate, a bowl for the salad and the proper silverware. Take out a three-pound leg of lamb, rub it with salt, pepper and cumin, then push in two cloves of garlic splinters. Place it in a 325-degree oven and set the timer for an hour. Put freshly cut vegetables into a pot with some herbs and the crudest olive oil you can find. Heat on low flame. Clean the salad. Be sure the dressing is made with fresh dill, mustard and the juice of hard lemons.
Open a bottle of good late harvest zinfandel and let it breathe on the table. Pour yourself a glass of cold California chardonnay and go to your study and read. As the story unfolds you will smell the lamb and the vegetables. This is the best part of the evening: the food cooking, the armchair, the book and bright flavor of the chilled wine. When the timer goes off, toss the salad and prepare the vegetables and the lamb. Bring them out to the table. Light the candles and pour the red wine into your glass. Before you begin to eat, raise your glass in honor of yourself.
The company is the best you’ll ever have.

This piece of prose I discovered in college and always enjoyed what it had to say. This week my one evening off was on Tuesday night, and as I stared blankly into my refrigerator wondering what to eat, this piece popped into my head. So I turned off the tv and turned on my soundtrack to “The Piano” and cooked up a real dinner...there wasn’t even anything that got put in the microwave! I pulled out the pretty silverware and lit some candles and set the table as if someone important were visiting. When I sat down with my food, just looking at the way it all was set and how nice it looked made me peaceful already. I enjoyed the stillness and quiet and totally loved it. Ok, so maybe the chicken wasn’t exactly 4-star restaurant quality and there was 2% milk in my wine glass, but it was still greatness. And I realized that so often we are always so concerned about not offending others, or how everyone else feels, and if we’re treating our neighbors as ourselves. Which is all well and good. But sometimes you have to take a step back and treat yourself as others would treat you. A good quote to go along with this… “if you had a friend that talked to you the way you talked to yourself, would you continue to hang out with that person?”

I would challenge everyone I know...especially all the single ones...not only to treat others the way they'd want to be treated, but also to treat yourself how you want others to treat you! Because whether you realize it or not, you're teaching them how to do it right now. And why wait to get married before somebody starts treating you right??

Ed says "Say Tech-NO!"

2006-07-07T11:24:00.000-07:00

Oh what a terrible blogger I am. It seems that since I have moved out of my parent’s house that was a wireless hotspot of internet activity allowing me to blog to my heart’s content, into my new, internet-free zone that I call my apartment, it sure is a lot harder to keep the blog updated!!

But I have a good excuse…you see, a few months ago when Lisa Welchel came to speak at Fellowship, she told a story about how she tried to buy her Mickey Mouse Club ears off Ebay, and she was willing to pay up to $500 for them. When she didn’t end up winning, she felt convicted to donate the same $500 to a church or charity, hearing God’s voice saying to her “if you are willing to give $500 to Mikey Mouse ears, then you are willing to give $500 to my kingdom…”. Well that comment really spoke to me and in the midst of making Town and Country giving commitments, God got my attention, albeit on a somewhat smaller level…

As I looked at my new budget which included the new apartment and all the bills that go with it along with a new T&C line item, I thought about my cable and internet bill and heard a small voice in my head that said “if you are willing to give for cable and internet, you are willing to give to Town and Country…”. So I made the decision not to get cable or internet in my new apartment and add that amount to my monthly Town and Country offering. This meant no news reports while I eat breakfast, no Whose Line is it Anyway while I work out, and no daily Friends before I go to bed. And no internet with which to blog. And while every month brings a temptation to use some of that T&C money to bring the internet back into my life, I often don’t even miss most of that stuff if I'm totally honest. Because now when I eat breakfast in the morning ,I can sit in peace and quiet before facing the noise that is the day, and when I work out at night I can let my mind process everything from the work day, and when I miss Friends…well I can pop in a DVD of any one episode from all of my 10 seasons (you didn’t REALLY think I could give up Friends completely, did you?). But the internet is a little trickier…it’s definitely hard to keep the blog up. And it’s hard to resist the urge to come in to work on the weekends when previously I could just check up on things from my computer at home.

But I know that giving up a few tv shows and having a slightly smaller blog are small potatoes compared to listening to the tiny voice in my head that is the Lord’s.

And if you are sad that the blog seems lonely and collecting cobwebs these days...well it’s all Lisa Welchel’s fault! BUT…if you would like to make a donation to the “Save Crys’s Blog Foundation”, I’ll be having Brian Bailey install way to help you donate online to this noble cause…

O Blogger, Where Art Thou? or S'more Better

2006-06-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

May17th??? I can’t believe that was my last post. Oh, the shameful blogger that I am. Well, to keep you posted on the life and times of Crys, I went camping this past weekend and had a blast. And in all my camping experiences, the most valuable lessons learned always seem to revolve around the s’more. So should you ever go camping, remember these things…

*Toasting marshmallows is good. Toasting twinkies is bad.

*Always eat dessert first in case of rapture. (ok, this is just a good rule to live by in general). But when camping…if you toast your marshmallows first, THEN use the same stick to cook your hotdogs, you will have a yummy marshmallow-flavored hot dog.

*Do not be deceived by the raccoon who wants a bite of your marshmallow. This is a ruse, do not fall for it. Unless you have enough marshmallows for all the tiny woodland creatures of the forest.

*Should a fly find himself trapped in your bag of marshmallows, do not try to get him out by pounding your fist on the side of the bag. This will only result in the undesirable smashmallow/fly combination.

*Always remember to store the chocolate bars in the cooler…especially when camping in Texas…in June. However, should you forget, it is perfectly acceptable to soak up the melted chocolate with your toasted marshmallow.

*Never try to eat the toasted mallow off the metal stick you just cooked it with.

*Should you drop you mallow on the ground, the 5-second rule does not apply.

*Always splurge on the mallows when camping. Do you realize there are only 90 calories in 4 mallows??? 4!!!

*To torch or not to torch…that is the question. Whether tis nobler to patiently brown your mallow, or take arms against a sea of fire, and by opposing, blacken thy mallow…

Finally, the most important thing I’ve ever learned on a camping trip, is how to IMPROVE the s’more. They said it couldn’t be done. I call it the S'more Better. But I warn you…the secrets I am about to share are not for the faint of heart…

To make your S’more Better…Use your toasting stick to bore a small hole thru the middle of the mallow. Insert the chocolate into the hole, then proceed to toast as usual. Warning…be sure not to burn the chocolate! If you are like me and you prefer your mallows flaming pieces of carbon, this is tricker...but it can be done! However if you are more patient and do not believe in torching your mallow, this will be easier. Once the mallow is toasted, and the chocolate is all melty and gooey, proceed to mash onto the graham cracker and consume as usual. (uh...graham cracker optional)

Why I Love...My Mom!

2006-05-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the next installment of ‘Why I Love…”, and today is Why I Love My Mom! My mom is great and here’s why!! (So it’s a few days past mother’s day…something tells me my mom will still enjoy this just as much!)

When I was 1, she sacrificed sleep and sanity just because I whined.

When I was 2, she tolerated endless hours of Sesame Street.

When I was 3 she gave me a new toy…I mean new brother.

When I was 4 she made me a Winnie the Pooh costume for Halloween. In addition to the Butterfly, Minnie Mouse, and Unicorn costumes in subsequent Halloweens after that.

When I was 5 she joined the Sad Mommies Club because I started Kindergarten. It’s true.

When I was 6 she wallpapered my entire bedroom with clouds so it would match my Care-Bear theme.

When I was 7 she made me a Rainbow Brite birthday cake (in an attempt to top the previous year’s Care Bear Cake).

When I was 8 didn’t make fun of my Sally-Jesse-Raphael glasses.

When I was 9 she sat with me for hours on one end of the room while I stood at the other, to prove that when the teacher held up my painting in front of the class that day and made fun of it, no one could have read my name.

When I was 10 she choreographed the greatest talent show skit the world has ever known.

When I was 11 she spent hours learning my algebra homework so she could help me with it.

When I was 12 she bought me braces…and then let me join a hockey league.

When I was 13 she helped me build ridiculous science fair projects…and they all won 1^st place.

When I was 14 she helped me get ready for my first car-date.

When I was 15 she came to all my drill-team dance recitals and contests, even when that meant sitting on hard bleachers through boring hours of other dancers just to see me do the same 2 minute routine for the 15^th time.

When I was 16 she helped my dad surprise me with my first car.

When I was 17 and dumped by my date the day before the senior prom, she helped cheer me up and gave me this really goofy card that said "even though you’re having a bad day, here’s a list of things that could be worse..." and one of them was “your butt could fall off”.

When I was 18 she let me drive to college orientation all by myself…and cried. Then cried again when it was time for me to actually leave for college.

When I was 19 she was there when the “love of my life” broke up with me.

When I was 20 she still sent me Halloween and Easter candy (and she still does to this day!).

When I was 21 she was there when the 2^nd “love of my life” moved away.

When I was 22 she was willing to pay for a Master’s degree at Yale.

When I was 23 she let me convince her to audition for the theatre I worked for.

When I was 24 she let me move back home rent-free when I lost my job.

I love you Mom, thanks for everything!!!

10 Easy Steps To Be Cool Like Me

2006-05-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Brian Bailey recently brought to my attention how everyone wants to be cool like me. I don’t blame you, because I am a cool person. If I were you, I would want to be me.
And because I want you all to live happy and fulfilling lives being cool, here are 10 Easy Steps to Be Cool Like Me…

10. Obsessive-compulsively disinfect your desk and all contents on it at least once a week
9. Learn absurdly cheesy jokes. A good example of this is…There are 2 muffins in the oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "Boy, it's hot in here". Then the second muffin says "OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
8. Organize the clothes in your closet by style (ie sweaters, longsleeve short sleeve, dressy, casual, etc…) then within each style, arrange by color from lightest to darkest. Do the same with your shoes.
7. Ignore what Oprah says…makeup should consist of powder and chapstick. What does she know anyway.
6. Alphabetize everything.
5. Quote “Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail”, “The Emperor’s New Groove”, or “The Princess Bride” as much as possible. This never gets old, and no other movies matter anyway.
4. Declare war on any insect or rodent that dares to enter your house, car, or workplace.
3. Refuse to have anything to do with the color pink in any and all circumstances
2. When in public at respectible places, tear off tiny pieces of your napkin or straw wrapper and roll into little balls creating a small paper-wad arsenal. You friends love it when you throw things at them and they have nothing to retaliate with. And if you're at Red Robin, find things like lemons and parsley and sugar wrappers and leave them in that cardboard box by the ketchup. See if they're still there the next time. Waiters love that...I swear.

And the number one way to be cool like me….Be as dorky as possible in any and all situations, and ignore anyone who makes fun of you for it.

Why I'm Moving to Vegas

2006-04-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

A handful of us here at work recently took a trip to Vegas. It didn’t take long for me to come to one conclusion….for some reason, I’m hotter in Vegas! And I don’t say that egotistically….I have many witnesses who can back me up on this phenomenon of multiple men just...staring. So this was a running joke for a few days, and I wondered why on earth it seemed so many men took notice of me there more than anywhere else. Shoot, I thought, I’m moving to Vegas!!

Then I realized…..everyone’s drunk in Vegas.
Ahhh....now I get it. :)

I've Been Thwarted

2006-04-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

That’s right, I used the word thwarted. Last week I was sufficiently thwarted. It all started when I tried to put down a deposit on a new apartment…

Last Wednesday afternoon I found an apartment I really liked. Problem was, it was a little more expensive than I wanted to pay. I was hoping to keep all my bills within 60% of my income, and this new apartment would make all my bills use up 65%. I debated and debated about this all day, and talked to a lot of people who I consider smart with their money and they all agreed that to have a variance of 3-5% here or there would be ok, in fact normal. So I faxed the application and decided to take the plunge.

Later that night there was a big storm, and the news threatened hail. So I moved my beloved truck to my parent’s barn, where it would be safe. We’ll come back to that in a minute.

The next morning, I still felt a little uneasy about the whole apartment thing. So in my quiet time, I told God that I was planning to go to the complex that morning on my way to work to put down the deposit, but if for any reason I was not supposed to commit to this apartment, to please “thwart my efforts”. Now, I don’t know who uses the phrase “thwart my efforts”…but I did.
Fast forward to an hour later…my mom drives me down the back alley to the barn where my truck is parked. We turn the corner find half a tree blocking our way, it had been knocked over from the storm the night before! We had to get out and take 10 minutes to move the tree out of our path! Keep in mind we are both on our way to work, and it’s still wet and raining. So she drives me the rest of the way to the barn and drops me off, and leaves for work. I get in my truck, drive out of the barn, and immediately get stuck in the mud. I’m not talking just a little stuck, I’m talking the mud was up to the running boards! And yes, I’m still in my work clothes and heels. So I try getting some momentum and rocking back and forth to get out of the mud. Nothing. I get out and grab some boards to stick under the tires. Still nothing. I call one or two friends who may or may not have time to give me a hand, and only one of them can show up in a few hours, but not before. I seriously consider hijacking the tracker, also stored in the barn, to pull the truck out. I was actually sitting in the tractor, fingers on the ignition, when I pictured all the things that could possibly go wrong with this plan. I give up.
So I walk back up to the house, in my work clothes and heels, in the rain. When I get to the house, I find my parent’s puppy has broken out of her crate and has proceeded to play in the wet bushes and muddy puddles. So 15 minutes and a few choice words later, the puppy finally gets back in the crate.
I go back in the house and suddenly realize…I’ve been thwarted. Knocked down trees, immobile trucks, and muddy puppies have all been pawns in God’s Master Thwarting Plan!! I can’t believe it, but yes, I’ve definitely experienced a divine thwarting.

*Note: Through yet another series of not-so-coincidental events within a few hours of all this happening, I found a place I like even better, and the rent just so happens to bring my total bills to exactly 60% of my income. Coincidence? I think not…

I Had No Idea I Was So Popular

2006-04-16T20:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this post is a little lame considering I haven't posted anything in two weeks....and I could give you excuses about how I've been buried under a giant Easter Bunny, but you don't care, you only want more of the Blog de Crys... "Give us more!" you cry, "More blogging, because our days are filled with boredom and doldrums, and you are the only light in our dark and listless cubicles!!" ( I don't know what a doldrum is by the way...except you might want to have it checked...) So here, take this random morsel of humor for now and I promise to resume the Blogging de los Locos.

So I ran across this website a few days ago and it just made me laugh. Maybe I should make a guest appearance or something...

http://www.crysretreats.com/

Everything On The Internet is True

2006-04-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this email I've received a few times this week. It says:

On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00AM the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06
This will never happen again in our life time.

My response: until 12 hours later at 1:00PM and the time and date will again be 01:02:03 04/05/06. THEN it will never happen again in our lifetime.

But don't worry...other than that, everything you read on the internet is true.
:)

I Was Wondering...

2006-03-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

If a spider kills himself, is it called insecticide?
Or if a plant kills himself, is it herbicide?
I was just wondering.

Unsettling Discoveries...

2006-03-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

I’m a pretty clean person. One would think that any place I inhabit would not be a suitable home for any sort of rodent or insect. However, I have recently discovered that my truck has become a hospitable environment for some sort of mutant, radioactive spiders.
I don’t think they started out as mutant, radioactive spiders. Because the other day when we went camping, Michael astutely noticed a very small spider crawling up the inside of the windshield. Gross. Yet squishable.

You must understand my opinion about insects. I don’t mind them…they’re creepy, but typically harmless. But…should one make the mistake of entering my humble abode, whether it be house, apartment, or car, it is all out war. And trust me, the insect will lose, no matter what it takes. So, of course, I mercilessly squash the tiny little spider. But then, no less than an hour later, a slightly larger spider is seen crawling up the windshield! Again, disgusting, yet disposable.

Then, just last night, I’m driving down the road, and suddenly, a much larger spider, perhaps an inch to an inch and a half in diameter, is crawling up the inside of the windshield! Now while all spiders that enter my personal space are sentenced to death, I am still a female. And while it is socially acceptable for me to, well, scream like a girl, freaking out is less desirable when you’re driving down the road. But since I already mentioned that I refuse to lose the spider vs. human battles, the spider must die a horrible death. So I kill the giant spider. With my bare hands. Ok hand…the other one was still driving.

But what disturbs me is that I can’t help but notice that the spiders keep getting bigger and bigger. I fear that there may have been some sort of spider-Ford reaction that is mutating a nest of ordinary spiders into giant, Crys-eating insects. One of these days I expect to see 8 giant hairy legs in my rear view mirror creeping over the top of the driver's seat, seeking revenge for his smaller brothers and ready to squish me with a giant kleenex.

Adventures in Camping

2006-03-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend I was looking forward to going camping and enjoying a peaceful, relaxing, quiet time. Just to be able to drive away from civilization, leave it all behind, and go somewhere quiet to recharge and reconnect. So me, Jami, and Michael left after work on Friday to East Texas to do just that. It took almost three hours to get there, but we'd been on longer road trips together! Besides, I figured the farther we drive, the farther from civilization we'll be. So we drive thru Podunk City and Nosepick, Texas and finally arrive in Tatum, home of Martin Creek State Park. (Note, none of us have camped here before, our first choice being Tyler but it was already full and this was the next closest)

We drive up, everything appears normal. Lots of trees and cricket sounds...and we take the twisty turny drive to our campsite, number ten. But what's that rising above the trees, it looks like...three smokestacks...? But that's impossible, we're in a state park in the middle of nowhere! And what's that thru the trees...there seems to be an abnormal amount of light for this time of the evening...hmm.
We continue driving and counting down the campsites to ours...13...12...11...and as we round the corner, we find the perfect lakeside campsite, number 10. But only slightly more overshadowing was when turning the corner revealed that on the opposite side of the lake lie what can only be described as a fully active, fully functioning, nuclear power plant! We're talking this thing was lit up better than the Griswold's christmas tree. Plus three giant, clearly working, smokestacks. And it gets better. On the smokestacks were the bright flashing lights to warn airplanes of their presence. Such bright lights in fact, that you could see them reflecting off the trees above our campsite! The place could have doubled as an airport. And to top it all off, the occasional foghorn. We assumed to warn of impending meltdown doom. Needless to say, we won't be revisiting Martin Creek State Park or recommending it to anyone else, either!

Ahh, nothing like spending time with mother nature and coming home with an extra arm growing out of your head.

THIS is the peaceful and serene view from our campsite on Saturday morning.

And the Winner Is...

2006-03-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I just read Kara's post about the Oscars and how she listed who she thought who should have won, and it gave me an idea. So in the Crys McDonald Show, here's who the Oscars would really go to...

Best Dressed...Always Kara. Miss Fashion Fabulous herself.

Best Picture...Amy, because let's face it, she's gorgeous.

Best Chick Flick...Sara, because she can embrace all the girly stuff that I'm not always good at.

Best Shoot 'Em Up...Ross, because he looks a 4 ton pissed off bull in the eye at least once a week and then says "that was fun!"

Best Actor...Erick. Make him sing and you'll understand.

Best Speech...Matt, because he always has something great to say. It might be wise, or it might be cheesy, but if you need advice Matt's always got some ready. And chances are it will rhyme.

Best Supporting Actor and Actress...my parents! Not just because they are literally supporting me financially right now by letting me live with them and eat their food, but because they are continually supportive in all the things I do, from probably 20 years ago when I said "I want to work in theatre" to about 2 months ago when I said "I'm gonna go work for a church!"

Best Friend in a Recurring Role: Blake Rodgers because he has always been there for me time and time again. I joke that I don't like to have him around my christian friends because he's got all the pre-Fellowship dirt on me and says things that give me heart attacks like "remember the time when..." but the truth is I love when he's around and I love him so much and am so blessed that he still puts up with me, and now we get to share our faith, too!

Most Inspirational Role: Brad Saab, who went off to Florida to save the world.

Best Tech in a Trilogy: My friend Kyle from college. I say Trilogy because like Blake, he too has been around quite a while and I am so blessed that he's still a part of my life. And Best Tech because that guy can build anything. And when he did, we entertained ourselves by seeing how many pieces we could break it into, find the farthest city we could drive it too, then try to put it back together again. Hours of fun people.

Best Soundtrack: Jason, because time and time again, no one ever gives me better advice than that guy, and he always knows what's right or what to do.
Drives me nuts.

Best New Artist: My office mates Brian, Jeph, and Brad who continually entertain and remind me not to take things too seriously! Brian is always sure to ask how you are or how your weekend was, Brad is always good for a useful piece of knowledge, unusual story, or a sarcastic poke at Jeph, and Jeph is great if you have a water bottle lid or sunflower seed shortage.

Lifetime Achievement Award: I can't have an awards show without giving this award to the one and only Jesus Christ. I am daily reminded, humbled, and amazed at what he has done with my life, and accolades are truly due to someone who worked so hard to get me here!

Its the Little Things

2006-02-26T21:05:00.000-08:00

So I've been living with my parents for a few weeks now. There's very little I don't like about my current living situation, but it's funny when I think of what I thought would be the greatest thing about living here, and what I actually get the most pleasure out of are two different things.
(Before I continue...let me add the disclaimer that I'm speaking purely of material things. Yes, I love the fact that I actually get to spend some time with my parents after so much time away at college, and no, no material thing is better than that. That goes without saying. So that being said...)

I thought living in a beautiful, ginormous house would be fabulous enough in itself compared to my little apartment. I thought having access to a nice quiet lake to escape to would appeal to me daily. I thought living rent-free for a few months would bring tears of joy. And I wasn't wrong, all those things are very true. But what's surprising is that what I notice more are the little things. Like the fact that the cereal is brand name and not generic. And the fact that when I pack my lunch, I don't have to save the ziplock bags to wash them out and reuse them, or be careful not to crinkle the brown paper bag too much so I can use that again, too. Or that when you want to blow your nose, you don't have to use the toilet paper because tissues are a part of bathroom decor. For that matter, there is toilet paper on the roll, and you don't have to resort to paper towels! And the fact that you can throw away twist ties because there's a magic drawer with more. Or the fact that paper plates even exist, or how there are actual napkins instead of (again) a roll of paper towels. And bottles of water instead of reusing the bottle and filling it with tap water every day. And nothing here has been fashioned from an old cardboard box, or held together by expertly placed rubber bands and safety pins.

Someday when I'm rich and famous in my own home, I'll be able to do all those things too. Isn't it funny that you know you've finally made it not by looking at the size of your bank account, but by the fact that you can buy real Cherrios with the little bee and everything instead of "Sugar O's".
It's funny how regardless of all the things going on around you, it's the little things that matter.

My Secret!

2006-02-20T14:43:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I wasn’t going to blog about this because I was embarrassed at first but it’s just too funny not to.
So last month I decided to….cringe…join eharmony. I confess. I did it. I have paid someone money to find me a date. A date that could turn out to be the unibomber for all I know.
Not that eharmony is a bad site or anything, in fact as far as internet dating goes, I’d say it’s the site to go with. I just never really saw myself doing the whole internet dating thing. And don’t worry…I’m not so much concerned with finding “Mr. Right” and settling down and start popping out rug rats, but just that it might be nice to meet someone outside of the 8 people in my hometeam (yes, even though no one I meet could be better than you guys so keep the smart comments to yourself!)

So I join eharmony. I give them my credit card number and sign my life away. I pay them money. Actual, hard earned dollars that are rightfully mine. I fill out their twelve billion question personality profile that discovers your twelve billion levels of compatibility. I learn that one of my twelve billion personality traits is I’m not very patient in taking twelve billion question personality quizzes. (By the way, I never exaggerate. Never ever ever.) Ok so here’s where it gets good.
I hit “submit”. Up pops a little icon that says “searching”.
“Searching”
“Searching”
“Searching”
And then a page that says “We’re sorry, but there is currently no one in our database that is a suitable match for you. But please don’t give up because literally thousands of people are joining eharmony every day and we will continue to search for your matches”

So it’s true. I have the proof right there. I am incompatible with “literally thousands” of people! No wonder I can’t get a date, I’m completely incompatible with anyone in the DFW metroplex!! And to top it all off, I am listening to the radio a few nights later and there is a commercial about eharmony, and they are advertising that they have 4.5 million members in their database!! So it’s not just “thousands” of people I’m incompatible with, but millions!!!

Well you can’t say I didn’t try. I guess it saved me the time of dating “literally thousands” of people.

All I have to say is Mr. Right better not be a member of eharmony. :)
(And yes…I see the irony of this posting on the heels of the valentines day post…)

Happy Single Awareness Day

2006-02-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right, Single Awareness Day. Otherwise known to the rest of the world as Valentine's Day. Valentine's can be great when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend to share it with. But what about the singles of the world? What about the independent, content with their current boyfriend-less lifestyle, future cat ladies of the world? Don't worry, I'm not going to go off on one of those feminist "I hate men" rants because that's just silly. But really...everyone focuses on the fabulousness of Valentines Day for those lucky enough to be coupled up. But does that mean, by default, that everyone without romantic plans has to be depressed with their pathetically unfulfilled single life?

I say that's ridiculous. I say if you want to throw yourself a pity party, the other 364 days of the year are just as good. Just because this one happens to be called Feb 14th doesn't make it any more pity-party friendly. I say count your blessings. Think of all the money you're saving by not buying somebody a gift that will either wilt in three days or add 5 pounds to your hips that have been sticking to your new year's resolution for a month and a half. Think about how you don't have to share the bathroom with anyone. What about how when you put dishes in the dishwasher or laundry in the hamper, they magically stay there! Or how when there's dirty underwear on the floor, you know for sure it's definately yours. Or how you can take a 2 hour bath if you wanted to and no one will judge you for it. Or how there's no one on the other side of the bed who sets their alarm 30 minutes before yours so you always end up waking up earlier than you wanted to anyways.

I'm not saying it's not fabulous to be in a relationship. I'm just saying that just because you're not in one doesn't mean your life is incomplete. I already know that I am loved deeply and taken care of and thought of as beautiful...that comes straight from God. I don't need another person to tell me that. Would it be nice to have a guy say that to me? Sure! But he doesn't have to for me to know that it's true. Because what if one day he changed his mind...because people do that since we aren't perfect...where would I be then if all my happiness and security lay with him? But if I know the truth...then when a guy comes along that happens to believe that same truth too, well that's just icing on the cake. Until then, I'm not focusing on how I'm "missing my other half" or how I can't be happy or complete until I'm in love. I'm a complete person because of God, not someone else's opinion, and until he brings me that very lucky guy :)...I'm thinking about all the awesome blessings I've already got and don't even deserve....and not focusing on the one single thing I don't have! (get it...single...) So future cat ladies...or cat gentlemen...of the world, rejoice! Life is awesome, don't miss it while you're too busy trying to find it!

The World According to JC Penny

2006-02-04T13:01:00.000-08:00

So last week I decided I needed some new clothes. Let me preface by saying I hate shopping for clothes, and the last time I did it was probably about 4 years ago! One might ask, ‘but you’re a girl, doesn’t that mean you enjoy shopping?” The answer is a resounding NO! I hate clothes shopping because not only is every woman’s body different than the next, every BRAND of women’s clothing is different too! You might say that’s a good thing. I say give me some consistency! Size 6 in Levis jeans should be the same as size 6 in Calvin Klein! And what ever happened to the odd numbers, wasn’t there once a store called “5-7-9”? And don’t even get me started on the “low rise” and “boot cut” nonsense and that stupid thing your pants do when you sit down and suddenly there’s a 2 inch gap between your waist and your pants!
But, unless we all revert back to fig leaves (which I’m gonna go ahead and say is a bad idea!), the shopping must be done. So first I journey to Ross, where you never have to pay more than $3 for an article of clothing. I tackle the jeans aisle. Sigh. I don’t even know where to start. The one pair of jeans I currently own are a size 9 and a million years old. They are also too big and held together with a safety pin (I can see Kara hanging her head in shame now). So step one, I estimate I am now a size 6. Step two...eliminate any jeans with flowers, bedazzles, or anything pink. Step three…with the remaining selection, guess at random which ones will fit.
So with an armload of size 6, non-flowery, non-bedazzled, and non-pink jeans in tow, I head to the dressing room. 20 minutes later I walk out empty handed. Sigh. Already I wonder what is so abnormal about the lower half of my body that no pair of pants will fit it! How dare the jean companies of the world make me question my superior physical shape!!!

Next I tried Thrift Town and TJ Max to no avail. I resigned myself to the fact that I may have to pay more than $20 for an article of clothing, which is against everything I believe. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s in the bible. So I cringe and make my way to….sigh…the mall. Yes, the mall, a fishtank of teeny bopping girls and pant-sagging boys who try to act cool as their parents drop them off at the food court. A place filled with overpriced clothes that no one else has ever actually worn before. A sea of clothing racks and accessories that only the hip and trendy can identify as “cool” or “uncool”. Yes, that is where I go.
I once again find myself overwhelmed in a sea of jeans. I load up on all different sizes and brands, not quite daring to look at the price tags. Then I make my way to the dressing room and begin the process again. One after another, each jean is rejected. There are a few that seem to fit, but even those are about 6 inches too long for my apparently abnormally short legs.
The next pair I pick up is a size 4. How ridiculous, I think. I can’t fit into a size 4. But considering the vast definition of what a size 4 actually is depending on who you ask, I try them on anyways. And what is this? They seem to emit a soft golden glow, and I think I hear a choir somewhere singing “aahhh”. I turn around back and forth to see if it’s true. Yes, they actually seem to fit! I look for ripped pockets or busted seams. None! I don’t know what kind of space-time-continuom I seem to have passed thru where my giant butt can fit into a size 4 jean, but I’m not asking questions!
And believe it or not, I find even two more pairs that fit as well! The gods of JC Penny have smiled upon me! Then I dare to look at the price tags. Yikes. Ouch. No bueno. Perhaps they are not overly expensive to your skilled shopaholic, but for someone used to the prices at Ross….well let’s just say we’re not in Kansas anymore Toto.
But I decide for the amount of times in a year that I actually buy clothes, and the amount of times I actually FIND clothes that fit, I should probably make the investment.
So I painfully walk to the counter with my 3 pair of jeans, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature price tag and good news for my ears!!! It seems that these particular jeans are on SALE! Never before have I understood the excitement those four little letters can bring to a woman’s ear. I have found the holy grail.

Now I must add a side note for all the men who read my blog: Yes, shopping is a spectator sport, and there are times when you are the lucky spectator, just like we are when you want to look at cars or video games. However, I warn you, avoid going clothes shopping with your girlfriend whenever possible!! Now you may be saying to yourself, Crys, of course I know better than that. Why would I ever do that. But when you’re out with your girlfriend and you pass a store and she gives you those big brown eyes and calls you pookie and asks to go in for “just a few minutes”, you and I both know you are going to cave. And during my quest for the perfect pair of jeans, I have seen the casualties of shopping firsthand. Too many men are sitting outside of dressing rooms with defeated looks in their eyes holding purses. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Stability Balls and Answered Prayers

2006-01-31T16:26:00.000-08:00

So this year I jumped on the “get in shape” bandwagon and my New Year’s Resolution was a healthier lifestyle (which, by the way, I’m totally rockin the casa on). So I bought one of those big rubber stability balls to help me get in shape.

First of all, I would like to note for the record that these so-called “stability balls” can truly be described only as “fall on your giant-out-of-shape-butt" balls. If you have ever used one of these things, you would agree that these suckers are anything but “stable”. My first exercise was to sit on top of the thing and do a sit up. Seems easy enough. So I sit on top, cross my arms over my chest, start to lean back, and before I know it, I’m upside down on the floor and the ball is chasing Duncan across the living room. But I am determined to get in shape, so I try again. Second try, I manage not to fall off (score one!), however I discover my true wimpiness (strike two!)...I can’t even do a full sit up! My muscles simply don’t work, and I only make it like half way up. But I am determined, so I do as much as I can.
So the next exercise is push ups. These are the same as regular push ups except that your hands are on either side of the ball instead of the floor. I quickly find my push up arms more resemble that of a newborn horse just learning to walk than actual push ups. And once again, before I know it, the ball has quickly rolled our from under me and I’m munching on linoleum. I swear I hear that dang ball giggle as it rolls away. But nothing can stop me and my quest for health!
And this seems to be the theme of my work out plan…make feeble attempts at what I think is probably cake for most anyone else, and end up backwards and upside down, but getting up and trying again every time.
I discovered that less than a week later, I’m easily doing 40-50 crunches and pushups and all kinds of other little exercises on that sucker! Now I am supremely impressed with my extreme physical prowess, as all should be, and I don’t intend on quitting!

On a totally unrelated note (but watch me tie them together!) I was recently offered a job at the church, which is a totally answered prayer as I’ve been unemployed for the last 3 months, applying to everything I can find, wondering what exactly my next career step should be. I looked for theatre jobs as well as corporate jobs here in Texas, wondering if God was calling me to a new field. I looked in New York too, wondering if it was time for me to finally move, a step I’ve dreamed of my whole life. I wondered if God was asking me to give things up…and if so, would it be my dream of moving to New York, or the things I love in Texas...the best church and the best friends I’ve ever known.
It’s funny…for the last 2+ years, I’ve known I would leave this church and my friends and family and move to New York eventually. And for the last 2+ years, I wondered how I would ever say goodbye to the people who mean more to me than anything else. Well it turns out I got my answer…I can’t. At least not yet, and I accepted the job at Fellowship Church! Turns out that my God is a faithful God, one who knows me better than I know myself and knows where I will be happiest. And right now, it’s right here! Turns out that my God has a plan for my life that I can’t analyze or try to predict, but rather roll with and find out small pieces of his plan when the time is right. I hope that New York is not totally out of the picture, but just on a later page in the scrapbook. But what I do know already is that this job is the perfect place for me now and I am so stinkin excited to get started!!

What does this have to do with stability balls, you ask yourself. Well, get ready for this...just when you think your on top of your game, just when you think you’re on top of your world with everything figured out, just when you think everything in front of you is cake and you’ve got it in the bag, suddenly and before you know it, everything is pulled out from under you and you’re on the floor, upside down and backwards and you never even knew it was coming. But here’s the important part… if you’re going to accomplish what you set out to do, you have to have the strength to get back up and try again. You have to have the courage to look that dadgum stability ball in the eye and say it’s you or me sucker and I ain’t losing! And you have to have the faith in yourself that you can do it, and trust in the faithful God that will come thru just like he said he would.
And that, my friend, is all you need to know about stability balls and answered prayers.