Brian Bailey recently brought to my attention how everyone wants to be cool like me. I don’t blame you, because I am a cool person. If I were you, I would want to be me.
And because I want you all to live happy and fulfilling lives being cool, here are 10 Easy Steps to Be Cool Like Me…
10. Obsessive-compulsively disinfect your desk and all contents on it at least once a week
9. Learn absurdly cheesy jokes. A good example of this is…There are 2 muffins in the oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "Boy, it's hot in here". Then the second muffin says "OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
8. Organize the clothes in your closet by style (ie sweaters, longsleeve short sleeve, dressy, casual, etc…) then within each style, arrange by color from lightest to darkest. Do the same with your shoes.
7. Ignore what Oprah says…makeup should consist of powder and chapstick. What does she know anyway.
6. Alphabetize everything.
5. Quote “Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail”, “The Emperor’s New Groove”, or “The Princess Bride” as much as possible. This never gets old, and no other movies matter anyway.
4. Declare war on any insect or rodent that dares to enter your house, car, or workplace.
3. Refuse to have anything to do with the color pink in any and all circumstances
2. When in public at respectible places, tear off tiny pieces of your napkin or straw wrapper and roll into little balls creating a small paper-wad arsenal. You friends love it when you throw things at them and they have nothing to retaliate with. And if you're at Red Robin, find things like lemons and parsley and sugar wrappers and leave them in that cardboard box by the ketchup. See if they're still there the next time. Waiters love that...I swear.
And the number one way to be cool like me….Be as dorky as possible in any and all situations, and ignore anyone who makes fun of you for it.
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3 comments:
You are sooooo cool. I mean really. I totally want to be just like you! Although, there are many other movies that matter other than those you listed. I am also on my way to Crys-ness because I do throw little pieces of paper back at you when you lauch an attack. By the way - I have seen you wear pink. I even have a picture.
i don't know why this popped up when i was trying to find my dad's work web site, but it just goes to show... you're a huge weiner. wiener? weenur? dork.
ok, now i'm a dork.
j
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