Basic Truths about Jack Bauer

1) Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
3) If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
4) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
5) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.
6) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
8) Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
9) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
10) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
11) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
12) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
13) Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
14) Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
15) Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
16) When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
17) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
18) Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
19) Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
20) When Jack Bauer pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.
21) Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
22) When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
23) You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
24) Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
25) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
26) Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer”.
27) In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done with your life?
28) Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
29) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
30) What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
31) Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
32) If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
33) People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
34) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
35) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
36) Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
37) When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
38) It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
39) Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
40) Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Disclaimer...oh, I wish I wrote this, but no, instead I shamefully stole it from another blog in order to save my own blog from being un-funny. If Jack Bauer had a blog, he'd do it too.

New Year's Resolutions

Ok, so it's a week after New Years, but that just means that you've had plenty of time to come up with your resolutions by now. I have to be honest, I had a hard time coming up with mine. Last year's was easy...the cliche "lose weight and get in shape, start living a healthier lifestyle...". But surprisingly enough, I really succeeded in keeping that one! Problem is, now I can't use it this year. And I don't think "go on a date" can really count as a resolution. So it took me some time to think about what I really wanted to improve on over the next year, but here's what I came up with:

1) Continue healthy lifestyle habits, and try to be as successful this year as I was last year in keeping up with it! That includes working out at a minimum of 4 days a week, but 6 on a regular basis, and of course eating healthy 6 days a week (hey, you gotta have a cheat day in there for pizza and ice cream!!)
2) Journal more. I don't mean 'dear diary' journals, I mean prayer journals in my quiet time. I used to do this all the time but seem to have fallen away from it, and I want to get back in the habit.
3) Not only READ God's word more, but also STUDY it more. I am notorious for finding great Christian self-improvement books for quiet time, but never opening the word. I need to make a point to get back into the word, but also to STUDY it. Of course going back to school will help with the study part.

So what are YOUR resolutions?? I want to hear them!! First of all because it's fun to get comments on my blog...but also so I can steal the good ones for myself...muh-ah-ah.

The Return of Blog

Yes, that's right, the greatest show on earth has returned!! Since my last post, we created this magical, beautiful, amazing encounter with God that we called a Christmas service. According to our pastor, there were 18 billion services. While there were one or two fewer than that, it was pretty close and it's taken us pretty much every waking moment, and many non-waking moments, since Thanksgiving to get it off the ground. More posts to come about that later!

In other news, my good friends Todd Baker and Adelita Gonzales, for those of you who know them, got engaged and have the best story about how a beautiful diamond ring was anonymously provided to them through the hand of God! They will be getting married at the beginning of May.
I also bought my first washer and dryer over the holiday! You may not think that's very exciting, but trust me, it is! It's almost like I'm a grown-up. I also got a new tv for Christmas and while I don't have cable, my fabulous rabbit ears from Kara now pick up an amazing 15 channels! And some additional Spanish ones to boot. And finally, you may notice that I am on vacation...at home...writing this blog...which means after multiple years without, I finally have internet access in my home!! It's like it's 2007 or something.
Also, grad school begins January 17th. I'm only taking one class (hey, it's been a while...I gotta ease my way back into the school thing!) and it's called "Intro to Theology". I'm really excited about it, I've always been a student at heart and to show you what a nerd I am, I got really excited when my textbooks arrived and I've already started reading them. (I know what you're thinking...what I REALLY needed for Christmas was a pocket protector...)
And finally, my mom had surgery this weekend, please keep her in your prayers! It was yesterday morning and all went as planned and she should be able to come home on Monday, but she has 6 weeks of recovery ahead of her where she's not allowed to do ANYthing, including drive!

Now that your caught up, this blog will resume posting it's regularly scheduled musings.

Happy Turkey Day to Me!!!

It's official...I'm going back to school! I somehow slipped past the DTS board and received my acceptance letter today! Classes begin January 15th...go ahead and start praying for me now!
Woo hoo!!!

How to Approach the Subject of a Blind Date

This is the hilariously sneaky email my mom sent to me yesterday. At first I thought it was one of those goofy forwards, until I realized she actually made this up out of her head and was seriously trying to set me up! It was just too good not to put on the blog!
*Also, names have been changed to protect the innocent


M.O.S.D., Inc (Mothers of Single Daughters, Inc) is a non-profit organization devoted to being on the lookout for potential (cute) suitors. Following is an anonymous survey we request you (heretofore un-named daughter) fill out.

1.If heretofore un-named mother were to encounter a potential suitor for heretofore un-named daughter, would said party choose A, B, or C:
A.I am not even slightly interested - mind your own business.
B.I am slightly interested - tell me more.
C.I don't care if he's a monkey, I'll date him. (heretofore un-named mother is pretty sure this choice would not even be close!)

2.If heretofore un-named daughter chose B, read on.

3.Heretofore un-named mother has friend (Bobby Joe's* nephew) to be described as follows:
-lives in Coppell (very close to heretofore daughter's work place - possible lunch encounter comes to mind?)
- heretofore mother has seen said nephew and...very cute!
- said nephew's profession is believed to be advertising (currently interviewing w/Fox News or something to that affect)
- said nephew comes from a Christian family and attends church
- according to all reports, said nephew has an excellent sense of humor
- said nephew is not dating anyone seriously at the moment and according to the secondary heretofore un-named mother belonging to M.O.S.D., Inc, is usually open to (oh, no...the dreaded words...) a BLIND DATE! Ahhhh!

M.O.S.D., Inc is not responsible for any happy ever afters or dates from h--- connected with this survey. Thank you for considering our survey.