Inspired by the comments of my previous post, I have decided to arrange a Celebrity Death Match between Ryan Seacrest and Jack Bauer. Fortunately, this blog provides the exclusive play by play! The contenders are in their corners and the crowd is wild with anticipation...are you ready to ruuuummmbbblllleeee????
ROUND ONE
The bell rings and Ryan's eyes are immediately straying to the hot ladies in the front row. Focus, Ryan, focus! Jack's lightning quick reflexes take advantage of this and immediately go for Ryan's only weapon, his microphone. Jack is beating him over the head with it, and now he's..he's trying to strangle Ryan with the cord! And now Ryan is prying himself free by attempting to scratch Jack's eyes out, but wait...Jack just grabbed Ryan by his frosted tips and...what is he doing? Oh no! Jack just shoved the entire microphone up Ryan's nose!! Round One goes to Jack Bauer, folks!
ROUND TWO
Ryan is back in the game, and he wants vengence for his beloved microphone. Nobody touches Ryan's microphone...or his prefect tresses, for that matter. Ryan is...wait, he's getting out of the ring? What is he doing? He's going into the audience and...its...its...its William Hung! Ryan is bringing him into the ring and...oh god, William's singing!! Jack is covering his ears and is obviously weakened. William is still singing and now he's...oh folks, this is terrible...gyrating! Jack is howling in anger and agony, but he's still not out. So Ryan is leaving the ring again...what this time? He's bringing...who is that...it's Simon Cowell! He's bringing Simon Cowell into the ring, and now Simon is mentally harrassing Jack! Jack is on his knees, covering his ears against William and Simon, and now Ryan is starting to tell unbeliveably bad jokes!...William is getting louder and let me tell you folks, those hips don't lie...Simon continues to insult him and Ryan makes worse and worse jokes...and now Jack is on the ground...one...two...three...and the round goes to Ryan!!! Unbelievable folks, Ryan Seacrest has brought Jack Bauer to his knees! Who would have ever thought William Hung's voice had the power to bring down the inconquerable Jack Bauer??
ROUND THREE
And Round Three has begun, it all comes down to this, folks! Jack and Ryan are face to face, mano-a-mano, man versus...well, Ryan. And Ryan is charging Jack! But Jack just stiff-armed Ryan and now he's holding Ryan's forehead as Ryan swings with both arms trying to punch him! It looks like Ryan is starting to lose a little steam. He's stepping back, looks like he's trying to think of a new plan of attack. Wait...Jack is walking right towards him...Ryan backs up...he's against the ropes and Jack keeps advancing towards him, this could be it, folks! But wait, what's going on here? It looks like Jack is simply standing in front of Ryan, staring him down. He's not moving a muscle! Ryan is beginning to shake...and Jack seems to be giving him some kind of evil eye! What could Jack have up his sleeve? He continues to stare and...and...unbelievable! Ryan just fell to the ground and Jack didn't even touch him! It seems Jack Bauer has the ability to kill people with a single glimpse!!! And here's the ref...yes, it's official! Ryan is out cold, Jack has won! What a match, folks, what a match! And if everyone will draw their attention to the jumbo-tron, we will now play the song "So You Had a Bad Day" and reply slow-motion moments of Ryan's pathetic loss.
We'll see you next time folks, on Celebrity Death Match!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Standing Strong
About this time last year I started watching a little-known tv show on Tuesday nights, you've probably never heard of it. I never watched any of the other seasons because I was, and still am, morally opposed to such frivolity.
But last season, I thought it would be entertaining to watch the auditions. It was. After the auditions were over, I had little interest in watching the rest, but alas, my entertainment-savvy best friends were totally into it, so I took part in the weekly watching parties so I could heckle to my heart's content.
Unfortunately, the blood-sucking corporate machine masquerading under the title of "American Idol" succeeded in sucking in yet another Ryan-Seacrest-tolerating drone...me...and thus the addiction began.
Yes, I watched every week. Yes, I yelled at the tv, and often the voting public of America. Yes, I voted for Taylor and yes...I went to the concert. And you know what, I loved it. And I hate that.
But this year...I'm standing strong against American Idol. I refuse to fall victim to it's commercial fabrications and sacrifice not one, but TWO nights a week to it's broadcast just because I am addicted to the manufactured emotion and scripted drama of only semi-talented musicians and one drunk Paula Abdul. I won't do it. It won't suck me in. I don't care how much tension Ryan Seacrest can prolong over two solid hours. I'm standing strong.*
*What is not noted here is my undying addiction to 24, which does indeed occupy exactly one hour a week of my precious time, and to which no amount of non-violent, let-the-terrorists-live kind of rehab could change.
But last season, I thought it would be entertaining to watch the auditions. It was. After the auditions were over, I had little interest in watching the rest, but alas, my entertainment-savvy best friends were totally into it, so I took part in the weekly watching parties so I could heckle to my heart's content.
Unfortunately, the blood-sucking corporate machine masquerading under the title of "American Idol" succeeded in sucking in yet another Ryan-Seacrest-tolerating drone...me...and thus the addiction began.
Yes, I watched every week. Yes, I yelled at the tv, and often the voting public of America. Yes, I voted for Taylor and yes...I went to the concert. And you know what, I loved it. And I hate that.
But this year...I'm standing strong against American Idol. I refuse to fall victim to it's commercial fabrications and sacrifice not one, but TWO nights a week to it's broadcast just because I am addicted to the manufactured emotion and scripted drama of only semi-talented musicians and one drunk Paula Abdul. I won't do it. It won't suck me in. I don't care how much tension Ryan Seacrest can prolong over two solid hours. I'm standing strong.*
*What is not noted here is my undying addiction to 24, which does indeed occupy exactly one hour a week of my precious time, and to which no amount of non-violent, let-the-terrorists-live kind of rehab could change.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Just My Opinion
Guys, valentines day (or what I like to call "Single Awareness Day") is less than a month away. Do you have a crush on a girl that you want to ask out? Please, oh please, let me give you some advice. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances, ask her out in an email. OR a text message. The phone is barely acceptable. Be a man and ask her out in person...if she's as great as you think she is, she deserves it. Asking a girl out over the computer or text message is a cop out. You've just failed at your very first task as her potential future boyfriend...which does nothing to boost her confidence that you will have the courage it will take to actually BE her future boyfriend. And don't beat around the bush till she asks you out, either. Step up and be a man! My personal philosophy is that I don't care if you are Brad Pitt, if you ask me out in an email or text message, the answer is no. And I guarantee that any other girl worth your time will be similarly disappointed if you do.
Just my opinion.
Just my opinion.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Blog ADD
I've written too many long posts lately and my brain is tired. Soooo...
I like bread.
Mmmm...bread.
That concludes today's post.
I like bread.
Mmmm...bread.
That concludes today's post.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Everyday Miracle
My recent life of utter chaos and disorder that masqueraded itself under the title of "Christmas" has come and gone, and now that I've had time to sleep and get back to my everyday life of somewhat less chaos and more order, you have the pleasure of hearing my thoughts about it.
Ok perhaps I am being a little dramatic with the phrase "utter chaos and disorder" but it did get pretty darn busy and ridiculously stressful for a while there. But, glutton for punishment that I am, it was also pretty fun. I had a lot to do with the preparation of the Grapevine Christmas services, but I was also the production manager for our Alliance campus, and it was really exciting to do something new and different and so much bigger than anything they've ever seen at that campus before. You know me...I can't do anything halfway, so it was go big or go home out at the Alliance campus! (Yes, that's also my shout-out to Ryan Mordecai...) And in the final 24 hours before the service, of course my eyes saw all the things we could or should have done better or wish we had time for. But my prayer that week (well, one of the many) was that God create the service HE truly wanted created for that campus, and not the one I wanted. And in the end, that was exactly what he did. It was amazing to see God's work on the service that we, as humans, could produce. We did our best, which frankly, in my eyes, was not good enough. But something happened between the very last run-through at 9am that morning and the very first service at 10. We took it as far as we could take it, and then the Holy Spirit stepped in and took it to the next level, where He wanted it to be. If you had been there, you would have seen it too.
In addition, never once did he leave my side that week, and there is no explanation other than the absolute power of the God that sustained me through it all. Every morning before the sun rose I surrendered the day to Him and simply praised Him for everything, good or bad, and every night with only a few hours before I had to get up again, I marveled at how He had come through that day.
While this was my first Christmas at Fellowship, or for that matter in ministry at all, I was expecting it to be difficult and for the spiritual warfare to be at full tilt. But for some reason what I didn't expect was the greatness of God to pervade it all! I mean knew he would be there, I knew we would all get through it, but the physical evidence of his hand on my life, and on the lives of my coworkers around me all trying to accomplish the same goal, for some reason I didn't expect and it just blew me away every day.
I've been involved with shows that all you try to do is get through the week, get the show up, and survive. I guess that's what I expected to do this Christmas...survive. But I did so much more than survive, I thrived! Yes, I was pretty wiped out by the time it was over, but the point is I succeeded! I was victorious! And the best part, it had nothing to do with me!
Going forward, it is my prayer that we can all offer that same surrender and praise every day, regardless of the circumstances. And after that, to not just know that God is capable of the Old-Testament miracles that we believe in our heads but maybe doubt could actually happen today, but instead to believe with our hearts, expect even, in the everyday miracle. And by "everyday", I don't mean insignificant or mundane or routine, but the miracles that happen everyday that we don't even notice. For example, the fact that the thousands of speeding missles we call cars doesn't happen to hit yours today. The fact that I woke up this morning and didn't have to take a single medication or pill to sustain any failing health. The fact that after my last heartbeat, there's another one after it that I never even thought about. Or after my last breath, there's another one after that, too. Everyday miracles.
I had every reason to look at the negative and throw in the towel that week. But those everyday miracles were so bright and obvious to me, Satan's attacks were irrelavent. I hope that challenging circumstances won't be the only thing that brings the everyday miracle to my attention, but now that I am reminded they are there, I will continue to see them and live a life in complete surrender and praise to the one who made them!
Ok perhaps I am being a little dramatic with the phrase "utter chaos and disorder" but it did get pretty darn busy and ridiculously stressful for a while there. But, glutton for punishment that I am, it was also pretty fun. I had a lot to do with the preparation of the Grapevine Christmas services, but I was also the production manager for our Alliance campus, and it was really exciting to do something new and different and so much bigger than anything they've ever seen at that campus before. You know me...I can't do anything halfway, so it was go big or go home out at the Alliance campus! (Yes, that's also my shout-out to Ryan Mordecai...) And in the final 24 hours before the service, of course my eyes saw all the things we could or should have done better or wish we had time for. But my prayer that week (well, one of the many) was that God create the service HE truly wanted created for that campus, and not the one I wanted. And in the end, that was exactly what he did. It was amazing to see God's work on the service that we, as humans, could produce. We did our best, which frankly, in my eyes, was not good enough. But something happened between the very last run-through at 9am that morning and the very first service at 10. We took it as far as we could take it, and then the Holy Spirit stepped in and took it to the next level, where He wanted it to be. If you had been there, you would have seen it too.
In addition, never once did he leave my side that week, and there is no explanation other than the absolute power of the God that sustained me through it all. Every morning before the sun rose I surrendered the day to Him and simply praised Him for everything, good or bad, and every night with only a few hours before I had to get up again, I marveled at how He had come through that day.
While this was my first Christmas at Fellowship, or for that matter in ministry at all, I was expecting it to be difficult and for the spiritual warfare to be at full tilt. But for some reason what I didn't expect was the greatness of God to pervade it all! I mean knew he would be there, I knew we would all get through it, but the physical evidence of his hand on my life, and on the lives of my coworkers around me all trying to accomplish the same goal, for some reason I didn't expect and it just blew me away every day.
I've been involved with shows that all you try to do is get through the week, get the show up, and survive. I guess that's what I expected to do this Christmas...survive. But I did so much more than survive, I thrived! Yes, I was pretty wiped out by the time it was over, but the point is I succeeded! I was victorious! And the best part, it had nothing to do with me!
Going forward, it is my prayer that we can all offer that same surrender and praise every day, regardless of the circumstances. And after that, to not just know that God is capable of the Old-Testament miracles that we believe in our heads but maybe doubt could actually happen today, but instead to believe with our hearts, expect even, in the everyday miracle. And by "everyday", I don't mean insignificant or mundane or routine, but the miracles that happen everyday that we don't even notice. For example, the fact that the thousands of speeding missles we call cars doesn't happen to hit yours today. The fact that I woke up this morning and didn't have to take a single medication or pill to sustain any failing health. The fact that after my last heartbeat, there's another one after it that I never even thought about. Or after my last breath, there's another one after that, too. Everyday miracles.
I had every reason to look at the negative and throw in the towel that week. But those everyday miracles were so bright and obvious to me, Satan's attacks were irrelavent. I hope that challenging circumstances won't be the only thing that brings the everyday miracle to my attention, but now that I am reminded they are there, I will continue to see them and live a life in complete surrender and praise to the one who made them!
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